There's a new trend in dating ladies, and I like to call it the sofa date. You heard me right, the sofa date - and you've most likely been on one.
This seems to be the new trend and apparently, men are finding it quite useful. It works like this. Take a woman on a nice traditional first date, and then invite her over to your place for a second date, to hang out on your exciting sofa. And I don't really have to explain what comes next.
Times are tough, and money doesn't grow on trees, I get that. However, what ever happened to the days when men actually concerned themselves with impressing a woman and treating her special, like a lady? Coming up with $10 for ice cream or an appetizer somewhere isn't that difficult. It doesn't have to be diamonds and furs or a $100 meal, it simply needs to be a respectable date. A walk in the park is free - but access to someone's body should not be.
Women risk an awful lot when entering into a sexual affair with a man. They risk:
- Their health (exposure to STD's that can harm a woman for life, that men carry and never show symptoms of and don't even know they have).
- They risk their mental and emotional well-being.
- They risk their future - literally - via the risk of pregnancy.
He's signaling that you should be willing to take a bunch of serious risks for him, while he does absolutely nothing to prove himself worthy of you taking that risk.
Do you think grandpa landed grandma by impressing her with his sofa? Doubtful. Do you think your father impressed your mother by showing her his sofa? Doubtful.
The things that impress a woman, while many men erroneously believe are associated with money, in reality are more conceptual things like:
- Leadership (taking charge).
- Proving themselves (proving they're willing to be a good provider should any potential offspring result from the union).
- Evoking positive emotional feelings (special treatment).
Do you think a sofa date accomplishes any of those things? The answer is no, it does not.
Instead, a sofa date signals the opposite to a woman, particularly a woman that's got her head on straight (isn't insecure, desperate or willing to settle). A sofa date signals:
- Lack of leadership (laziness).
- An unwillingness to prove himself a gentleman (lack of care).
- Negative emotional feelings (anxiety, stress and worry over impending sexual advances that are surely on the way).
You're not fooling anyone guys when you ask for a sofa date. The sofa date is the lazy man's way to fast track sex for yourself and everyone knows it, so let's just call a spade a spade here and save ourselves from beating around the bush (pun intended).
If you're invited out for a sofa date early on in the relationship ladies, you should not accept it. And here's why.
Why You Shouldn't Accept Sofa Dates
Before I begin, let me clarify something. If you've been dating for months AND you BOTH agree that you're in a committed relationship, then the sofa date becomes acceptable. However, if you've dated a man once or twice, or for a few weeks or months, and there's NO committed relationship in place - stay off that sofa gals.
As I've already stated above, invitations for sofa dates early on prior to entering into a committed relationship signal things you should be taking note of and I've spelled those things out to you above: 1) lack of leadership (laziness) 2) an unwillingness for the man to prove himself (lack of care) and 3) negative emotional feelings (anxiety and stress over impending sexual advances you know are on the way).
You may be thinking, "Yea, but so what?" and if you're in that frame of mind and view this type of date as harmless, you're not paying attention, you're not looking out for yourself properly, and you're about to walk into a world of hurt. You're about to be used, you're about to let your value in the man's eyes plummet and you're about to willingly walk straight into "hookup" territory - from that day forward.
If you're seeking a serious relationship ladies, the sofa date should be a giant red flag to you. It should signal to you a man that's not relationship material. A man that isn't ready (to actually prove himself a man) a man that isn't going to lift a finger for you (lazy) and a man that's simply seeking gratification for his sexual needs (selfishness).
Is That Your Idea of Prince Charming?
I doubt it. And what kind of relationship do you think you're going to actually have with a man that's signaling these negative things that early on?
You're going to have a casual relationship that exists of hooking up from time to time occasionally (at his convenience), doing nothing but sexing around on his sofa. You're not going to receive regular phone calls, you're going to receive hookup texts. You're not going to be treated special (great date nights), you're going to be used. You're not going to be dating a real man, you're going to be dating an immature man-boy that's going to frustrate you beyond belief. And you're not going to find this relationship enjoyable in the long run. You're going to end up feeling bad about yourself. You're going to end up feeling very used - and you're going to become incredibly insecure.
Because you're going to eventually end up realizing that this man isn't treating you special or making you happy and fulfilling your needs. You're going to eventually realize that it's all about him and his needs, and it's all at his convenience. And once you enter into that mindset, your going to begin to experience increased anxiety and worry about what's going on and where the relationship is headed - and that will begin to manifest itself in your behavior.
You're Going to Start Acting Out
You're going to start acting out on that anxiety and worry by beginning to question where things are going. You're going to start scheming to try to get the guy to man up. You're going to start asking for regular phone calls, which he won't be willing to provide you, and you're going to begin thinking you're a couple and your his girlfriend, while he's referring to you as a friend and saying things to you like, "Let's just see where this goes" without ever committing to you.
You're going to be left in limbo gals. You're going to be left hanging in a very negative emotional state. And then that man is going to turn the tables on you once you start acting out on those anxieties that HE has created within you (by treating you poorly and using you), he's going to label you with the "crazy" card and then your goose is cooked. Because next he'll immediately begin to pull back, distance himself and eventually - disappear on you.
If you want a relationship ladies, then don't date men that want hookups. If you have one goal and he has an entirely different one, accept that you'll probably never meet in the middle and save yourself the grief.
Do Not Fool Yourself Into Thinking a Hookup Can Manifest Into a Relationship: Take The Right Path
Because that very rarely happens. They are two entirely different things and each requires an entirely different path of procedures to reach the destination. I like to use air travel as an example. Imagine it like this gals. Say you want to travel to India. Would you take a flight to Alaska to get there? Do you think that a flight to Alaska (hookup) will land you in India (relationship)? No, it won't. If you take the flight to Alaska (hookup) then that's where you land - in hookup territory. If you want to go to India (relationship), then you take the flight to India because it's going to land there.
Can you take the flight to Alaska (hookup) and still get to India (relationship)? Maybe - but it will cost you dearly. It will require a ton of expense and a convoluted path of ups and downs, on again, off again, flights. Will you be happy after exhausting yourself to such an extent in an attempt to get to India (relationship) after erroneously boarding the flight to Alaska (hookup). Probably not. You'll land in India (relationship) feeling depleted. It won't be the big revealing moment when you step off the plane and take the experience in with a sense of awe and wonder. Instead, you'll land there and seek the nearest refuge for rest - and then you'll wonder why the hell you just put yourself through this. You'll wonder why you're not as happy as you thought you'd be. Your big moment of arrival that you've been anticipating for months - will fall flat. And you'll ask yourself, "Is this it? Is this what I've been exhausting myself for for months?"
Because once you land in India (relationship), you're quickly going to realize that it wasn't all that you'd glorified it to be in your head before arriving there. The food may make you ill (negative fulfillment), the people may not be friendly (non-caring) and there's really nothing special for you there (not impressive). (For those of you reading this that love India, please realize this is only an example and I'm in no way suggesting that a visit to India is a bad thing). And you may be so damn exhausted from the trip and trying to reach India (relationship), that once you're there, you just want to go home (leave).
Sofa Date Conclusion
And if a man starts off like that, do you honestly think that he'll somehow miraculously change mid-way through?
No, he won't. If he's getting the milk for free, he's never going to feel compelled to buy the cow. And he will forever, from that day forward, expect his milk for free - and the mere insinuation by you that he should now somehow start investing in the milk he's receiving for free, is going to be met with pure resistance.
Men who prefer sofa dates are never going to lift a finger for you. They're never going to treat you special and they'll always attempt to use you, free of charge, to satisfy their own needs. They will view you as an object that exists for free use. And if you attempt to make them view you as a person with real emotions, they will only turn that against you.
Sofa date men will label you "needy" once you start demanding more and once you start acting out on those demands (calling, texting, questioning). They'll then slap another label on you, the "crazy" label - and then they'll bolt. Leaving you behind, feeling very depleted and used.
And that ladies - is why you do NOT accept sofa dates prior to commitment.