When dating, it's important to maintain a healthy self-esteem. It's crucial that you value yourself if you want others to see you as valuable.
Having said that, many find (particularly women), that this is easier said than done. But there are ways to recognize your value and then project that worth to others maintaining pure confidence without the appearance of ego and arrogance.
You see, as women, many of us are taught (even if not by words) that the more you do, the more you give, the more you love - the more you will be loved. And that's simply untrue. The reality is that behaving like that with people (other than your children and a grateful husband - keyword, grateful) will most likely lead to you being taken for granted and will lead to others viewing you with a lower perceived value.
How often do you think that really ends up being the case?
Not very often at all. And there's another theme running through each of those examples above. And that theme is one of value. In each scenario, the woman is undervaluing herself. She's in denial more or less and via her actions, signals that this is the best she feels she deserves. In each of these scenarios, the woman doesn't know her value as a human being and this causes her to settle for less.
Do you know your value? Let's find out.
How Do You Value Yourself?
How Much Do You Understand the Concept of Perception? (Observing)
How people perceive you depends highly on how you perceive yourself. If you talk yourself down, point out your flaws and share all your fears on the first few dates, basically giving the man 20 reasons he should NOT be interested in you, then guess what happens? He finds himself less interested in you. Not because of what HE thinks of you, but because of what YOU think about YOURSELF. You valued yourself low and as human nature would have it, thus influenced his overall decision about you.
People like to be around positive energy, and confidence is positive and very powerful. So you need to understand the direct connection between how you perceive yourself and how others will ultimately perceive you as a result.
How Much Do You Understand the Value of Selfishness When Done Without Malice? (Protecting)
I know, I know. You're thinking, "What the heck? How can being selfish ever be a good thing?" Well ladies, it can, it can be a very good thing - when done without malice and for the greater good - that "good" being YOU. I'm not telling you to be selfish to the point of harming others. I'm telling you to be selfish when it comes to protecting yourself from others.
Stop "doing, doing, doing" all the time. Cut yourself some slack. People will still love you, even if you don't act like an appliance for them. Women are at it 24/7 generally with busy careers, running a household, caring for others, children, etc. This causes women to have to "wear the pants" in many situations. But when dating, drop those drawers ladies (not literally, of course) - put on that dress, and let someone care for you for once. Let someone treat you special, let someone make you feel good about yourself.
If this individual doesn't do that for you, then you move on. Simple as that, you move on; you become selfish. And you acknowledge what you need from a man to make you happy - and you don't ever settle for less than that. Keep looking until you find it. Because it's what you deserve.
How Much Do You Trust Yourself? (Trusting)
When your gut's rumbling, do you listen to it? Or do you dismiss it and plow full steam into "danger" of sorts, attempting to convince yourself that you can somehow manage to navigate a tricky situation? Because, if you don't trust yourself, then how can you expect others to trust you? Trust is huge in relationships and it doesn't just exist between two individuals, it exists within yourself as well.
If you second guess yourself constantly, those around you will certainly pick up on your distrust of yourself. As a result, your credibility with them begins to wane. Trust yourself and build your credibility.
How Much Do You Think for Yourself and Trust Your Own Judgment? (Thinking)
Women are analytical thinkers, there's no doubt about that. But when analyzing situations, are you leaning on others to guide you or are you trusting your own judgment? (One of those situations where trust plays a role again.) If you tend to lean on others to think for you and to judge situations for you more than you think for yourself and use your own judgment skills - then you don't trust your own judgment.
Stop worrying about what others think and about what they're thinking. Focus on what you think. In the end, your opinion is the only one that matters and if you trust your gut, it'll never steer you wrong.
How Much Does Your Self-Worth Come From "Without" Instead of Within? (Behavior)
If you find that you are always competing and always trying to live up to someone's expectations of you, then guess what? Your self-worth is coming from "without" - it's stemming from "lack." Because you feel you "lack" on some level, you then strive to "fill" yourself up from the outside and use that individuals reaction as an indicator of your self-worth.
Your self-worth should come from within. Relax, stop "doing," stop trying so hard to "fix" everything, stop giving more than you receive - and see how fulfilled you suddenly become.
How Much of a Set of Standards Do You Have That You Adhere To? (Belief)
When you have a set of personal standards that you adhere to, particularly when dating, it basically constructs your personal belief system. If you adhere to that set of standards, then your beliefs stand strong. And if you stand strong in your beliefs, nothing, and I mean nothing, can influence you into doing anything other than that which falls in line with them.
Develop a set of personal beliefs and then stick to them. Don't let anarchy reign, set some healthy boundaries for yourself and with others.
Take the Test
To find out just how much you do, or do not, value yourself, go through each question above and then jot down a number of 1- 10 that most closely relates to "how much" regarding the answer to that question. Total the numbers of your answers.
If you ended up with a total that's 20 and under, you do not value yourself. If you've ended up with a total that's 21 -40, then you're halfway there. If you've ended up with a total 41-60, then give yourself a big pat on the back.
A Healthy Sense of Value and Self-Worth
To build a healthy self-esteem, confidence, and a strong sense of value and self-worth, it is necessary to "align" yourself properly and I believe that there are six main areas of focus necessary to do that. I've listed these six areas in parenthesis above as each question addresses one: Observing, Protecting, Trusting, Thinking, Behavior and Belief.
If you align your observations, you heighten your skills of protection. If you trust in those observations and the actions necessary to protect yourself, then your thinking becomes more clear. And once you're thinking becomes more clear, your behavior tends to fall in line and begins to solidify with your beliefs. It brings to mind an old quote by Mahatma Ghandi:
"Your beliefs become your thoughts, your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your values, your values become your destiny."
Trust me ladies, focusing and working on these six areas mentioned above is going to empower you. You're going to trust yourself, you're going to feel in control, you will know what you will and won't tolerate from others, you will be comfortable setting clear and firm boundaries, you will know what it is that you truly believe in, your skills of observation and protection will kick into high gear and you will never question yourself again.
Most importantly, you will not find yourself being acted upon by others.
Your "dog" days are over, ladies: