When dating, folks are always seeking that magic pill, that one thing that just wins the object of your affection over in an instant. And while there really is no magic pill, there is the magic of persuasion. Wait, let me correct that. The art of persuasion – and it works like magic.
When it comes to persuasion, this is not simply a method that yields positive results in dating; it also yields positive results in life, in business, in your career, in your friendships and in your family relations. This was a topic that was generated by a valuable member of the community here by the name of Peter. Peter has written here on the topic of masculinity in a piece titled, “Modern Man and Failure to Earn His Power” and he first generated discussion on these behavioral laws in the comments on a post here titled, “Disappearing Reappearing Man: What To Do.”
I’d like to expand upon that by delving into the 9 Laws of Persuasion. These laws govern the decision making process that exists within mankind and they grant one the ability to successfully influence the decisions of others.
You see, when dating, the number one thing – the number one thing – that keeps a person coming back for more. . .are the feelings that you evoke inside of them.
Dating Success and The Evocation of Feelings: Are You Evoking Good or Bad Feelings?
That’s a way to evoke negative feelings of insecurity and self-doubt. Is that really what you want to bring onto yourself? Notice that all of the words I emphasized above in quotes are not positive in nature? Behavior that generates negative feelings in another human being rarely, if ever, yield a positive outcome. The only outcome you can expect from evoking those negative feelings in another human being is something akin to the bunny boiling scene in the movie, Fatal Attraction.
Additionally, the group of men out there that believe that placing the burden of moving a relationship forward squarely on the woman’s shoulders by asking her to pursue you, pay for dates and asking her to call you, to come and see you – inviting her to chase you basically – let me explain something to you here. You think that’s what you want; you think that’s what makes you happy. But does it?
Let me ask you this. Have you ever noticed that when you first start liking a woman, things are fine? You’re attracted to her, things are going well, and you’re feeling good about it and about her. You become secure in your success but then suddenly, you feel you’re putting more work into it than she is. As a result, you begin to turn things topsy turvy by inviting her to pursue you. You begin saying things like, “You should call me” or “Why don’t you pay for this one” or “If you want to see me, you need to drive to my place and/or my town.” And then something strange happens. You can’t explain it, you can’t put your finger on it, but it’s there and you begin to feel it.
You suddenly, and without explanation, lose interest in her and you don’t even know why. So you chalk it up to, “Oh well, she just wasn’t the one” or “She got really crazy all of a sudden and began chasing me.”
Accountability in Dating When Evoking Feelings
Well the reality here is that YOU did this. You invited her to chase you. You invited her to pursue you. You invited her to call you. You invited her to take the lead. You invited her to take your power away from you and you invited her to behave in a masculine way by relinquishing control over to her. You got lazy and you invited her to become the man (leader) in the relationship and you willingly chose to take a feminine (passive, submissive) role instead. You drenched your attraction for her with a bucket of cold water by inviting her to pursue you.
You did this; you invoked this behavior, not her.
You see, a lot of you men out there (not all, but many these days) don’t even realize what you need, what makes you happy and what makes you feel proud and manly. You don’t even realize that you actually enjoy the chase, the pursuit and the journey and wining a woman over. You effectively take Mother Nature’s naturally assigned gender roles and you single handedly turn them on their head. You kybosh your own positive feelings evoked during the dating process by inviting HER to do what makes YOU happy. As a result, the woman becomes very unhappy in her newly assigned role and she struggles to please you by increasing her attempts. And you, as a man, become very unhappy with her newly assigned role as well; a role that you, yourself assigned her. You begin to distance yourself from her increased advances to please you, yet you fail to realize this is the very thing you have requested her to do.
I see it all the time and there are literally hundreds of stories shared in the comments on this site that go something like this. “At first he was a great guy, he called all the time, took me out and treated me real nice. We were really having lots of fun. But then he started hinting that I should call him more and that I should start paying for some of the dates and that I should start driving to see him and start texting him more. He said he’s getting upset that he’s the one doing all of the work here and he asked me to do more. So I did. But it seemed like when I did that, it became harder and harder to get his attention. He started to ignore me more and now, he’s not even talking to me anymore.”
Sound familiar folks?
You bet it does and I know it’s resonating and striking a deep chord within every single person, male or female, reading this article right now.
So now that we’ve established the value and importance of evoking positive feelings in one another when dating, we’re going to move into the 9 Laws of Persuasion, laws that can influence another human being’s decisions about you.
Dating Tips Using The 9 Laws of Persuasion and Influence
That magic pill you’ve been searching for? You’ve found it. It’s the silver bullet in dating and in life. It’s a psychological concept that appeals to our base, primal human desires and decision making capabilities. Leaders are firmly aware of the Laws of Persuasion, the ability to influence others and/or large groups into thinking that their decisions are their own. When the reality is, your decision is usually being influenced by another and/or a group.
More importantly, your decisions are being influenced by the feelings that the individual and/or group evokes within you, which is why “gurus,” leaders, activists, governments and corporations are so easily able to influence societal outcomes and business outcomes in many matters.
Do you think Charles Manson was just such a great guy with such brilliant ideas that that was why he was able to influence others to murder for him? No. Do you think Jim Jones was just such a fascinating man that that’s why he was able to influence people to take their own lives and those of their children in the Jonestown mass murder by drinking the Kool Aid? No. These men were acutely aware of the power of persuasion and the ability to influence the decisions of others by evoking positive feelings within them, leading them to believe that this type of behavior was their own idea - and they were happy to oblige.
While some of these laws below may seem counterproductive, the end result is positive. When dating, use these tactics to influence the decisions of the object of your affection and to evoke positive feelings within them – and they’ll be eating from the palm of your hand in no time.
Persuasion Law #1: The Law of Scarcity
This is also known as the Scarcity Theory of Value. Ever notice during the Holiday season there’s a new game or gadget that’s in scarce supply? But everyone suddenly has to have it? Why is that? It’s because people have a natural propensity to long for that which they cannot have. And ladies know this, men equate longing with love. When something is scarce, unknowingly, you place a higher value on it. As a result, once it’s within your grasp, you are elated that you’re now in possession of it. When something is in supply in large quantity, you tend not to value it as much and take it for granted.
Evoke positive feelings via the Law of Scarcity by doling out your attention and affection in small doses so that once your attention and affection is received, the recipient becomes elated with the feeling of having received it.
There’s a difference between scarcity and ignorance, indifference and apathy. It’s a fine line, so walk it carefully. The point is to evoke positive feelings, not negative ones. In order to evoke positive feelings when using the Law of Scarcity – you have to eventually let the recipient have what it is that they are after. (Fellas, hint hint.)
Persuasion Law #2: The Law of Reciprocity
This is a law that refers to give and take, yin and yang, and the creation of a natural balance. If you want someone to feel obligated to you in some way, you have to give to them first. Because it’s the simple act of selflessly giving that evokes a positive feeling of obligation in another human being, the feeling that they WANT to give, not that they HAVE to.
Evoke positive feelings via the Law of Reciprocity by giving selflessly first instead of expecting to receive something for nothing and carrying an air of entitlement. Men, if you provide dinner and flowers to a woman, this will evoke positive feelings in her. She will want to return those positive feelings back to you via a selfless act of her own (Fellas, hint hint. Her attention, her affections and maybe even the possibility of sex).
Persuasion Law #3: The Law of Association
To address the second half referring to endorsements from others, this is when it comes time to meet your dates friends and family. Strive to impress here folks, because if you don’t receive a positive endorsement from friends and family, you’re as good as dead.
Evoke positive feelings via the Law of Association by complimenting friends and family and by putting your best efforts forward to impress them.
When Meeting Your Dates Friends for the First Time:
Guys, if you’re meeting your date’s friends at a bar for the first time, buy a round of drinks for everyone and be approachable and friendly and generous.
Ladies, if it’s you meeting the guys for the first time, don’t have an attitude. Be friendly, make jokes, laugh and smile and bring an air of sunshine into the group. And as much as I don’t endorse a woman footing the bill in the early days of dating, when it comes to meeting the guys, buy them a round of shots and toast them. They’ll think you’re a very cool, fun chick.
When Meeting Your Dates Family for the First Time:
Guys, when you’re meeting the family the first time, bring her mother flowers or at the very least, make some sort of kind gesture towards her, such as a compliment of some sort. And always be sure to shake the fathers hand, like a man, and look him square in the eyes (he’s watching you and how you’re going to handle and treat his daughter.)
Ladies, when you’re meeting the family for the first time, check that attitude and leave it at the door. Be sunny, warm and approachable. Greet his mother with a smile and offer a handshake or a hug. Compliment her on her home and/or her cooking and don’t show up empty handed. Flowers or a tray of cookies or something (if you’re attending a family event) is appropriate. And when the meal has ended, don’t just sit there. Get up off your keister and help clear the table. When meeting the father for the first time, shake his hand and smile and offer a compliment of some sort. Take notice of something he’s interested in, a hobby or maybe a favorite past time of some sort such as racing, riding a motorcycle, shooting guns, etc. and identify with it somehow, “Oh, I was told you like____. I’ve always wanted to do that (shoot a gun, go to a race, ride a motorcycle, etc.)”
Persuasion Law #4: The Law of Contrast
This relates to the concept of taking differences and placing them square against one another, so that the contrast is noticed and what may have seemed like something big, is no longer perceived as such in comparison to something even bigger. Below are examples.
As a woman, you want a commitment. As a man, he generally doesn’t think commitment is necessarily what’s best for him, so he’s much slower to come around to that way of thinking. If you want exclusivity, you might point out someone’s marriage because that’s something big. (I know this seems counterproductive but bear with me here.) You see, you want a tiny commitment, you’re not asking for a big marriage. By pointing out a marriage, all of a sudden, exclusivity seems teensy in comparison. So you might say something like, “Wow, they’ve been married for 40 years. I’m not ready for that. I’d simply be happy with a boyfriend for right now.” By doing so, you’ve contrasted and compared a full blown, decade’s long marriage to the mere fact that you’d be happy with a boyfriend for the time being. All of a sudden, the man is relieved that you’re not expecting marriage right away from a dating situation and this relief has evoked a positive feeling in the man about continuing to date you.
And fellas, for you, it might work like this. Contrast and compare a “crazy” obsessed woman with your date’s cool, calm and collected persona. “My friend Tom’s wife is a bit intense. He can’t leave the house without permission and if he does, she hunts him down. I like that you give me the freedom to spend time with my friends.” By contrasting and comparing your date with a “crazy” woman, she becomes relieved that you don’t view her that way. Instead, you evoke positive feelings within her that encourage her to continue to give you the freedom to spend time with your friends.
Evoke positive feelings via the Law of Contrast by comparing something big with something small that signals your happiness with something small. Translation: Your date won’t have to move heaven and earth to make you happy.
Persuasion Law #5: The Law of Expectancy
Much like a dog strives to please its owner, humans are much the same. And this law works both ways and many times, particularly women, evoke it in its negative form. If, as a woman, you are constantly making accusations and expecting your man to cheat on you, by vocalizing this, you’re planting the seed for him to do so, whether you realize it or not. Your “expectation” manifests as his “reality.” If he’s already being accused of cheating, then he might as well just cheat. And men, if you’re constantly hinting to a woman that you think she’s over reacting and acting crazy, your “expectation” manifests as her “reality.” If it’s crazy you want, then it’s crazy you shall get.
Evoke positive feelings via the Law of Expectancy by encouraging positive behaviors and focusing on those, rather than repeatedly pointing out negative ones.
Persuasion Law #6: The Law of Consistency
When someone takes a stance on something, their natural tendency as a human is to be consistent in defending it. And sometimes this happens whether their stance is valid or not, which is the negative evocation of this law. For instance, if you’re dating a man that doesn’t really like to go out to the bars a lot, but does so with friends one night and you make a big deal out of it, all of a sudden, he begins to invoke his right to go out with friends all the time, whether he wants to or not. He begins to invoke the Law of Consistency with regards to it, in a negative form. But then a funny thing happens. His actions start to reveal that he feels otherwise as he begins to turn down offers of a boys night out. And this is the true Law of Consistency at work.
One’s actions will become consistent with their thinking eventually, whether they realize it or not. Or as Peter stated in his comments on this site, “Humans will always act whether knowingly or unknowingly in a way that is consistent with what they think, know or feel. We can attempt to hide these things but this law makes sure we are a dead giveaway to someone who knows how to read people.” Pay special, close attention to that, ladies, by always making sure a man’s words align with his actions.
Evoke positive feelings via the Law of Consistency by making sure that your words align with your actions. (Fellas hint hint, be a man of your word.) This provides a feeling of security and self-assurance to the individual that you are dating. (Translation guys: Less “crazy” from a woman and more stable.)
Persuasion Law #7: The Law of Power
This relates to your own personal power. When a human being perceives another human being as having some sort of personal power or strength, they tend to buy into that perception. Ladies, don’t talk yourself down with men, talk yourself up. If you are constantly stating that you have small boobs, even if you don’t, then the man’s perception of you is going to become one of believing that you have small boobs, even if you don’t. Because that’s how he’s going to perceive them, via your influence on his decision about them, be it negative or positive. So be very careful, ladies, when enacting the Law of Power with men.
Men are instinctively aware of this law because it relates directly to their masculinity. That’s why you hear men fibbing about their power or exaggerating it at times by saying things like, “So many women are blowing up my phone” or “My last girlfriend was crazy.” It’s because they know that if they give you the perception that they are “famed” in some way or highly sought after, you’ll buy into the illusion that this is true and you’ll fall in line with it whether it’s true or not.
Evoke positive feelings via the Law of Power by talking yourself up (not bullshitting someone, but simply focusing on your assets instead of your liabilities) and creating a perception in the individual that you’re dating that’s one of “I’ve got something very special here.”
Persuasion Law #8: The Law of Friends (Friendship)
When someone you like and consider a friend requests a favor, you’re more apt to want to fulfill their request. Use this to your advantage. If a single man sees a pretty girl struggling to carry groceries and she asks him for help, because he likes her looks, he’s more apt to jump in and help her. If a man is giving and caring towards a woman and he requests a favor from her, the woman is more apt to fulfill his request and provide the favor because she likes the way he treats her.
Evoke the Law of Friends (Friendship) by evoking positive feelings in the individual you’re dating by using the aspects of your friendship and/or likability to your advantage. Include the Law of Reciprocity in with the Law of Friends (Friendship) by creating a healthy flow of give and take and an exchange of positive energy that bounces back and forth between you.
Persuasion Law #9: The Law of Conformity
This ties into the Law of Association in that, the Law of Conformity states that an individual is more likely to agree to something that the majority of other people stand behind as well. So if your dates friends and family like you and you’ve made a good impression on them, you will evoke the Law of Conformity as well by having the group “conform” to a general consensus of “we like you, therefore we support you.”
Evoke the Law of Conformity by evoking positive feelings in those around the individual you’re dating. Majority rules and if you have the majority of your dates friends and family on your side, you have the Law of Authority working for you as well, in that, as a group, your date will be influenced by the groups consensus about you.
And there you have it folks, dating magic via the art of persuasion.
Hone these skills not only in your dating life but also in your personal life and your career and you’ll soon become an unstoppable force with loads of support and the ability to positively influence the decisions of those around you.
And don’t even think about using these 9 Laws of Persuasion for manipulative, nefarious purposes as they will backfire on you, it’ll simply be a matter of time. Consider that Jim Jones of Jonestown is dead and Charles Mansion is now serving life in prison.
Dating Magic: Persuasion, Evoking Positive Feelings by Mirror of Aphrodite and all comments, personal views, personal stories, advice, suggestions and discussion on this site by The Community of Mirror of Aphrodite is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License. (No Derivative Works — You may not alter, transform, or build upon this work. Noncommercial — You may not use this work for commercial purposes. Attribution — You must attribute Dating Magic: Persuasion, Evoking Positive Feelings to The Mirror of Aphrodite with a link).