This is a topic that seems to spark a bit of debate each time it arises. Naturally, no one likes to be used. Men claim women use men for money and women claim men use women for sex. And there’s truth to both of those claims. But there’s also a good old fashioned way of alleviating any hard feelings of being used.
How, you ask?
The feeling of being used can be eliminated by fulfilling one another’s needs in respectful ways. Let’s face it, women like sex just as much as men. But guys, nothing makes a woman feel crappier and more insecure about herself than a man ringing her phone at some inopportune moment, inviting himself over to simply plunk himself down on her sofa – and then expecting sex from his less than stellar efforts.
And ladies, nothing makes a man feel more used than a woman accepting a date that the man drops $100 or more on and in the end he doesn’t even receive so much as a thank you or a goodnight kiss from his efforts to impress and the woman displays no intention of ever seeing the man again.
So How Can Ill Feelings of Being Used be Eliminated?
The first of which is: Ladies, if you have no intention of ever seeing the man again, pick up the tab or at the very least, offer to pay your half. A true gentleman won’t permit you to do this and, if that’s the case, might I ask that you please reconsider your assumptions of him and give him a second chance?
The second of which is: Men, if you want sex, please consider the use of romance to obtain it. I realize that new concepts such as “no strings attached” exist in the dating world, however, please realize that you can only make a woman feel crappy about herself and used once or twice effectively and get away with it. Any more than that and her insecurities will cause her to rethink the “arrangement” she has with you and she’ll shut you off – and out.
No one wants to spend time with someone that makes them feel crappy about themselves.
This Can All be Avoided With a Very Simple Equation: Romance = Sex
Yep, it’s that simple. If a woman feels romanced (respected) by a man and is made to feel special in some way via actions (not a bunch of BS words), she can be talked into some wild things. Not only that, she’ll tend to go along with those things a lot longer than she would if a man weren’t lifting a finger for her.
And men, we all know you want sex. Is it really that much to ask for you to take a woman out to dinner or offer a movie or drinks or bring her a flower – before you attempt to pounce?
What I’m trying to say here is:
Guys: If you want your needs fulfilled with sex then fulfill a woman’s needs with romance (respect).
Ladies: Refuse to fulfill a man’s needs with sex unless your needs are fulfilled with romance (respect).
It’s a mating dance. It’s the recipe for successful mating and it’s an age-old equation. Romance = Sex.
Gentlemen and Tradition
Listen up guys. Have you ever seen James Bond let a woman provide for him? Nope. And why is that? It’s because James Bond types of men, true gentlemen, true “macs,” understand that women want and need romance and they understand that their masculinity is closely associated with their ability to provide. They understand that the way to successfully mate with a woman – is to be chivalrous, provide for her and romance her.
You’d never see Frank Sinatra or Dean Martin letting a woman pick up the tab or provide for them either. They, too, understood the old equation “Romance = Sex.” They were respectful gentlemen and each considered themselves to be a “man’s man.” And a man’s man does not fall short when it comes to being a man by letting a woman provide for him or take a masculine, leading role.
These men, true gentlemen, realize the value of romance and they understand the implications of masculine versus feminine energy. If Frank Sinatra asked you out to dinner and you, as a woman, attempted to pick up the tab – he would’ve been insulted. You would’ve insulted his masculinity, his manhood, and implied to him that you felt he wasn’t, or couldn’t, be a good provider.
It would’ve been construed as a direct blow to his manhood and his masculinity.
There’s a big difference between gentlemen and immature “man boys.” Even modern day manufacturers and large corporations realize this and embrace good old fashioned values and tradition in this modern day world.
Take, for instance, the Ketel One Vodka marketing campaign. Ketel One Vodka is raising their “value” in consumers’ eyes by marketing their vodka strictly to – yep, you guessed it – gentlemen only. And they make reference to “gentlemen” in every single one of their commercials.
They speak directly to “gentlemen” only in their marketing campaigns and they portray gentlemen as chivalrous and respectful with women in those campaigns. Notice that even though they portray men as men, gentlemen and manly men – they DO NOT portray them as disrespectful cavemen to women. In fact, they portray them as the exact opposite. They portray gentlemen as chivalrous to women – respectful. And this in no way decreases their value as men or portrays them as weak. In fact, it increases their value as men, real men, gentlemen – and portrays them as strong, respectful and chivalrous to women:
Ketel One Vodka realizes that when it comes to men and women, traditional gender roles are primal, deeply ingrained, and still exist. Ketel One strongly realizes that chivalry is not dead and that high value exists in traditional ways.
Ketel One refers to “the days when substance was style” and the days when “men were men” in their marketing campaigns – and they market directly to men, real men, manly men – gentlemen:
So why the heavy play on “real men, manly men” and "tradition" and “gentlemen” in their marketing campaigns?
Because Ketel One realizes that real men, gentlemen – spend money. Ketel One knows that attempting to market to a “man boy” or an immature player will have little to no effect on their sales. Why? Because Ketel One realizes that man boys, immature men who are players – won’t easily part with their money. They realize that man boys and players are generally selfish men.
Ketel One doesn’t want to decrease their “value” in the eyes of others by associating themselves with men such as that. Ketel One wants to place a high value on themselves, their brand, their product and their company by associating and marketing themselves strictly to men, real men, man’s men – gentlemen only. Ketel One realizes that gentlemen are perceived as having a much higher value to other men - and also to women. So the message in their marketing is:
1) Real men, gentlemen, drink Ketel One Vodka.
2) Women place a high value on gentlemen. The message here to men is, “Drink Ketel One and women will place a high value on you. Women will see you as a gentleman, a man’s man, a real man.”
Brilliant if you ask me. I’d date any one of these men portrayed in these commercials in a heartbeat. I wouldn’t hesitate to think twice about it. As a matter of fact, if I met a man like that, I’d be giddy over it. And if I ever see a man drinking Ketel One Vodka when I’m out, you can bet your bottom dollar that subconsciously – he’s going to have a higher value in my eyes and stand out above the rest of the men in the establishment – as a man, a true gentleman.
And this isn’t because I’m some weak minded female that easily falls for marketing and image ploys. It’s because of the association of their brand with “gentlemen” and the subconscious affect that their marketing campaigns have on this primal concept that’s deeply, genetically ingrained inside of each and every one of us – male or female.
My point is: Subtleties and the unspoken dynamics of male versus female, masculine versus feminine energy, and traditional gender roles – still exist – deeply ingrained within men and women’s psyches - particularly when it comes to men, women, love and relationships.
Some May Call It Sexist
But let’s face it - there IS a difference between the sexes. Yes, I’m a woman, an independent woman. I pay my own way, keep a roof over my head and work full time to support myself. But that’s my career – not my life. In life, my personal life, I’m a woman through and through. And when it comes to dating and love and relationships, I’m a woman. I don’t want to be treated like a dude. I don’t want to be a man’s buddy (f**k buddy). I want to be treated like the woman that I am.
One is your work life and the other is your personal life. In your personal life, you’re still a woman so don’t mesh the two. Men like to date women (feminine energy). If they wanted to date a dude (masculine energy), that’s exactly what they’d do – switch teams.
So in my career, I’m comfortable wearing the pants and assuming a leadership role and exhibiting masculine energy. But in my personal life and in my love relationships, I’m a woman. It’s the one area of my life where I prefer to relax, breath and relinquish control and the lead over to a man. It’s one area of my life where I let a man be a man and let myself be a woman.
As a woman, there is great pleasure and satisfaction in being treated as such.
And, ladies, I can tell you this – there is nothing more attractive to men than a woman who can do just that. Men find a woman who can be independent and take care of herself yet still be a woman in all other aspects - completely irresistible. It’s incredibly enticing to men, the thought of a woman like that.
“I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan and never, ever let you forget – you’re a man.” Yet another popular marketing campaign that appealed to the importance of traditional gender roles in relationships, the Enjoli commercial of the 1980’s:
And take a look at the masculinity and romance concept of the recent Old Spice marketing campaign that revived a dying brand and turned it mainstream once again with taglines like, “the man your man could smell like:”
Why do you think campaigns such as these become wildly popular and increase brand sales by the thousands? Why do you think campaigns that signal traditional concepts such as masculine versus feminine combined with romance are still being used to generate sales successfully even in the decades following the women’s liberation movement?
It’s because they appeal to those traditional gender roles that are genetically, deeply ingrained in each and every one of us. If this was such a lost “eras gone by” sexist concept as many would argue, then these campaigns would not be the wildly popular, successful marketing campaigns that they are.
They’re popular because everyone can relate – both men and women.
So before you’re quick to fluff off and dismiss traditional gender roles as sexist and a dead concept from eras gone by, realize that when you boil things down to their base form – men are still men and women are still women. The roles that Mother Nature assigned us millennias ago still exist and are genetically, biologically, deeply ingrained in men and women psyches.
It’s a concept that’s so relevant that it’s still being used successfully in marketing campaigns some 30 years after women’s liberation.
So again I repeat, ladies and gentlemen – Romance = Sex.
The Answer is Clear
On the same token, men are biologically programmed to chose women they mate with that have the best and highest chance of producing offspring for them. And do you know what the number one factor they subconsciously use to make their choice is? Yep, you guessed it - a woman's body.
Studies have revealed that hip to waist ratio matters tremendously when it comes to men's choices in a female mate. Why? Because a proper hip to waist ratio signals "health" to a man. And it's the traditional hour glass figure that appeals the most to them. It's not about being fat or skinny, ladies. It's not about size. Hell, Marilyn Monroe was a size 16 by today's standards. But that blonde bombshell had a near perfect hip to waist ratio of 0.69. Sophia Loren, also a size 16 by today's standards, hit the sweet spot coming in at a perfect 0.7.
So yes, women look for men to be providers and men focus on a woman's physical form. It is what it is, folks. Don't fight it, embrace it. Embrace the differences.
Men, if you want to successfully mate then pay for the date. Don't make a woman feel used by expecting something for nothing.
Ladies, if he's impressed you and you want to see him again, let him be a man and provide for you by picking up the tab. If you have no intention of ever seeing him again, avoid making him feel used by offering to pay your half or pick up the entire tab.
Happy mating and successful dating, folks.