Things sure have changed. These days, there’s a lot of “blurring the lines” between what was traditionally referred to as dating (courtship) and what is now commonly referred to as hooking up (brief casual sexual affair).
These are two entirely different things folks. Dating and courtship have a much greater chance of leading to a long term relationship. Hooking up is not dating and has much lower chances of success. As a matter of fact, the longest relationship, correction “arrangement,” that you can expect from a hook up is approximately 3 months – and that’s really pushing the maximum amount of time. More often than not, hooking up tends to amount to no more than a two week, to one month, long casual affair – otherwise known as a fling.
Don’t confuse the two. They are entirely different processes that will lead to entirely different outcomes.
There are reasons that Mother Nature invented the courtship process. It serves a very definitive purpose and a very important one at that – for both parties involved. You see, when the courtship process is taking place, there’s a lot of non-verbal communication taking place. There’s a lot going on behind the scenes subconsciously and a lot of information is being transmitted via behavior, gestures, body language, unspoken language and the subtle dynamics of feminine versus masculine that ultimately result in the ability to prove oneself worthy as a potential long term mate.
Let’s explore, shall we?
Traditional Dating: The Benefits Of The Courtship Phase
Traditional dating, otherwise known as the courtship phase, is a concept that refers to a process that involves traditional gender roles when it comes to male versus female – masculine versus feminine energy. It is a process that is traditionally done with the male taking the lead, masculine role – that of “impressing” - and the woman taking the submissive, feminine role – that of “observing.” And it’s also the chosen process of the true gentleman. (Punks, players and insecure men prefer the much easier hook up method which grants instant gratification to selfish needs and feeds ego. )
The courtship process involves what could commonly be referred to as a mating ritual. Just like in nature, when you see colorful male birds, puffing their feathers, dancing in front of a female bird, attempting to win her over in an attempt to prove himself worthy of successfully mating with her – that’s how the courtship process works.
The male initiates the courtship and during the early phase, he attempts to impress the woman. He makes special gestures meant just for her and he shows her that he is a good provider, that he is masculine, and that his leadership is to be trusted. If the woman happens to earn more money, a true gentleman still feels it’s important to prove himself worthy in the early stages of the courtship process.
Much the same way the male Satin Bowerbird seen here builds a fortress of seduction as a courtship display to attract a female mate. It’s not a nest, it’s a bower – a bachelor’s “play” pad. All of the efforts placed into the construction of this bachelor pad are intended for one sole purpose – to mate. (Men, there’s a lesson from Mother Nature here: Effort (and Romance) = Successful Mating. )Male bowerbirds instinctively know that female bowerbirds are attracted to the color blue. As a result, blue objects tend to be the chosen trinkets gathered and presented as gifts, to adorn the seduction pad to lure the female bowerbird into it.
However, the female bowerbird doesn’t simply enter the first male bowerbird’s seduction pad that she comes across. Oh no. The female bowerbird visits all of the other male bowerbird’s seduction pads in her locale before stepping into any one of them to mate.
Is the female bowerbird a gold digger? Is she seeking a rich male bowerbird?
No. She’s seeking a good mate – one worthy of her attention and the luxury of mating. Because you see, in Mother Nature, not every male is privileged enough to mate. The mere fact that male genitalia are carried does not grant males the privilege to mate in nature. Male mating rights must be earned. Female mating rights are granted because females possess the ability to give the gift of life. (Which is why you don’t jump into bed with any man that comes along, ladies. Because he could end up the father of your child. It’s a fact, females have much more at risk when mating.)
A female bowerbird instinctively knows that a male bowerbird’s willingness to go the extra mile during the courtship phase signals him as a male that’s earned the mating privilege. And she will not enter the seduction pad until she’s reviewed all of the other male bowerbird options in her locale and she’s decided that this male bowerbird - is the one worthy of mating privileges.
She’s a smart cookie. She knows that a man’s willingness to provide is closely associated with his masculinity. A male bowerbird that falls short on his courtship display or the building of his seduction pad doesn’t get to mate – because the female bowerbird doesn’t feel he’s the best male representation of her species. And yes, female bowerbirds will even walk away from a male bowerbird seduction pad that includes a dollar bill (no joke, male bowerbirds have even stolen money as trinkets to include in their seduction pad displays).
To the female bowerbird, it’s not about money. It’s about the male’s willingness to provide for her and to properly earn the privilege of mating. The concept she’s focusing on is the male’s willingness to prove himself worthy of mating - not his monetary value.
It Amounts To A Comparable Difference: Provider And Leader Versus Non-Provider And Lazy
Now imagine a man in the same exact situation only this man lacks a “willingness” to be a good provider. We’ll call him Man B. Now, take those two men, each in the same exact situation, and let’s take a close look at the vast difference in ultimate outcome that results from each.
Man A: The Provider Who’s A Leader
Man A, the guy who is broke but has a willingness to be a good provider, will do whatever he can to provide. If it means cutting grass in the neighborhood, to doing odd jobs for family or neighbors, to taking a lower paying job just to keep food on the table – he will do it. He will man up and do whatever needs to be done to fulfill his male role, that of provider, and to prove himself a worthy mate.
As a result, Man A’s mate becomes increasingly impressed with how hard her man works to provide for his family. Her respect for him increases daily and she becomes very supportive and nurturing of him, encouraging him to continue to make forward progress and to be the best version of himself he can be. Man A’s efforts and willingness to provide keep the bond between them tight and their support of one another becomes the glue that keeps them together as a family unit.
Man B: The Non-Provider Who Is Lazy
Man B, however, is a different story. Man B sits on the sofa all day long doing nothing but making excuses for himself. Man B becomes resentful of the burden his mate and his family represent. He becomes difficult to speak to, he begins to distance himself from his mate and his family and he does nothing to improve his situation. Rather, he looks to his mate and he places the responsibility to provide squarely on her shoulders. As a result, Man B’s mate begins losing respect for him as a man, begins viewing him as a less worthy mate, and finds it increasingly difficult to be supportive and nurturing of him. Man B’s lack of effort and willingness to provide have caused a huge rift to appear in the bond between him and his mate and their support of one another begins to deteriorate, resulting in the ultimate breakdown of the family unit.
That’s the difference folks. It’s not about money, it’s about willingness, manhood and worth. And I imagine that many of the women reading this can relate – and would prefer to choose Man A over Man B as a long term mate. And it’s the courtship process that reveals a man’s willingness to take the lead role of provider. Unless you’d like to see Man B sitting on your sofa, resentful and unapproachable, I’d suggest using traditional dating and the courtship process as the path to a meaningful, happy, healthy, mutually successful long term relationship – for men and women both.
Because we can easily reverse the above roles, so let’s explore that for a moment.
It Works Both Ways: Nurturer And Supporter Versus Controlling And Demanding
Imagine a woman that’s an independent modern day woman. We’ll call her Woman A. She’s a woman that, regardless of her personal situation, is “willing” to fulfill her natural gender role of nurturer and supporter.
Now imagine a woman in the same exact situation only this woman lacks a “willingness” to be a nurturer and supporter, rather she prefers the lead role. We’ll call her Woman B. Now, take those two women, each in the same exact situation, and let’s take a close look at the vast difference in ultimate outcome that results from each.
Woman A: Nurturer And Supporter
Woman A is a woman that may or may not have money of her own, but at heart, has a willingness to comfortably fall into her natural role of supporter, nurturer. She is supportive, warm and nurturing (feminine). Unfortunately, her mate has found himself unemployed. However, Woman A, being the supportive, nurturing, feminine type begins to act like a cheerleader of sorts to her man. Encouraging him to be the best man he can be. Regardless of his lack of income, Woman A knows that if she fails to be the supportive force here, she will fail her mate and prove herself unworthy of him. She encourages her mate to push forward and through her nurturing support, her man feels more empowered as a man, assured that his mate is behind him 100%, and it is this support that compels him to successfully find employment in one form or another.
As a result, the man is forever grateful of the supportive, loving, nurturing effect Woman A’s presence brings into his life. She has proved a worthy mate. He knows that regardless of what happens, Woman A is there. She’s not going anywhere and she will continue to support her man in his endeavors. And it’s this reassurance and support that is received from Woman A that becomes the driving force for the man to rise and be the best man he can be. As a result, their bond is strengthened and it is her support and encouragement that becomes the ties that bind, keeping the family unit intact.
Woman B: Non-Nurturer, Controlling And Demanding
Woman B, however, is a different story. Woman B may or may not have money of her own, but at heart, she is “unwilling” to fall into her natural role of supporter and nurturer (feminine). Rather, Woman B is the opposite – she is demanding and controlling (masculine). Unfortunately, her mate has found himself unemployed. And Woman B, failing to be the supportive nurturing feminine type begins to act like a tyrant. She fails to encourage her man and to support him in any way. She fails to prove herself a worthy mate and fails to realize that she has a role here to play. She feels it necessary to emasculate the man, believing that negative reinforcement will somehow have a positive effect. She begins to point out his shortcomings and his current inability to provide. She fails her mate as a woman. Her emasculating comments and her tyrannical dictator-type control, her masculine energy, begins to outweigh that of her man’s and her man begins to feel like much less of a man through her eyes. Her lack of encouragement and support combined with her constant demands fails to compel the man to successfully find employment in one form or another.
As a result, the man becomes resentful of her oppression and begins to view her as unworthy. He feels stifled as a man, he feels weak and powerless. She effectively removes all of the things necessary for his success from the equation (freedom and power). Woman B’s man knows that regardless of what happens, Woman B will not be there for him and he will be unable to please her. He knows she will leave him and never fulfill her natural role of supporter and nurturer. And it’s this fear and oppression that is created by Woman B that becomes the destructive force in the relationship, thus resulting in Woman B’s man becoming increasingly unwilling to fulfill his natural role of provider. As a result, neither is any longer “willing” and their bond is broken and it is her lack of encouragement and support that becomes the wrecking ball that destroys the family unit.
There’s Much To Be Learned From The Ways Of Mother Nature
In Mother Nature, courtship rituals abound – and have remained since the dawn of time. It is the courtship ritual that helps both parties to learn what they can expect from the other and prove their worth to one another, displaying what each can contribute and bring to the table. It is the courtship ritual that reveals both parties “willingness” to fall into their natural gender roles.
What can speculatively be gleaned from the examples above is this. A man that fails to be a good provider in the early stages of dating will fail to be a good provider during the latter stages of a relationship - when it’s needed most. A man that fails to prove himself worthy in the early stages will prove himself unworthy in the latter stages. A woman that fails to be a good nurturer and supporter in the early stages of dating, will fail to be a good nurturer and supporter during the latter stages of a relationship - when it’s needed most. A woman that fails to prove herself worthy in the early stages will prove herself unworthy in the latter stages.
Get what I’m throwing down, folks? You feel me?
The courtship process serves a purpose folks, for men and women both. Skip over it and you’re not going to have a clue as to what you’re truly going to get in the end – until it’s too late. Perform the courtship ritual miserably or incorrectly, and you signal yourself an unworthy mate.
These are primal, biological concepts that are deeply ingrained in mankind. They haven’t changed in eons and they aren’t going to change anytime soon. Men look for a woman to be a good supporter and nurturer (feminine) – one that will help them achieve success and become the best man they can be. Every good man wants a good woman by his side and you’ve all probably heard the old saying, “Behind every good man is a good woman.”
And women look for a man to be a good provider (masculine) – one that is willing to do whatever is necessary under any circumstance, regardless of monetary worth, to provide and care for his family in order to become the best man he can be and to have a woman by his side that is a reflection of himself – the best woman she can be.
Conclusion: Follow Your Chosen Path
They were also meant to show you how an individual’s behavior in the early stages of dating can translate into similar behavior later on down the line - thus, reinforcing the importance of noticing, not overlooking, red flags. And reinforcing the benefits of the courtship phase when dating.
The point is: Following the rules of Mother Nature and doing the work will reap you the greatest rewards - rewards that lead to ultimate success, happiness and fulfillment within relationships. Take the easy way out, take the shortcut and the route of the hook up – and you will fail time and time again to obtain happiness and fulfillment.
A hook up has higher odds of leading to a brief affair. A courtship has higher odds of leading to a long term relationship and also provides you valuable insights into the individual you’re dating. Thus granting you a peek at the “big picture,” what life with this individual would be like, should a relationship begin to develop.
It’s all in what you want folks, either a brief fling with a person you hardly know that leaves you feeling confused and used or a long term relationship with someone you’ve taken the time to get to know that leaves you feeling fulfilled and secure – so chose your path wisely and proceed accordingly.
39 Comments:
Dear MOA, thank you for this article. It feels empowering to know what the courtship process should look like and what the roles are meant to be. I was raised in a family where my father was an example of Man B and my mother Woman B. Consequently, I feel that I was exposed to a distorted view of a family model for years, which still continues. My goal is to have a happy and healthy family unit one day and to be an example of Woman A. What can I do to fill myself up with the right views and values about how to be a supportive nurturer - apart from reading your blog :) ? Should I keep contact with my parents to minimum, so that I don't get soaked with the negative vibe? I feel like I sometimes do certain negative things when dealing with men (like controlling or complaining) unconsciously because I witnessed my mother behaving this way. Please help me find ideas on how to unlearn these. I very much appreciate your views and help. Thank you in anticipation. Kind regards.
@Anonymous,
I understand that learned patterns from upbringing come into play. And I think the best thing you can do for yourself is learn how to separate the good guys from the bad. Because you see, a bad guy like man B, he'll bring out the worst in you, not the best.
A good guy, like man A, will bring out the best in you. You won't feel compelled to become woman B if your with man A. See what I mean?
Because energy "feeds" off of similar energy. Just like with your parents. Your dad being man B, brought out the woman B side of your mom. And your mom being woman B, brought out the man B side of your father. The end result was a vicious energy cycle taking place...negativity feeding negativity...that created more negativity.
So I think a good man would help to bury the woman B side of your personality. Because if you have a good man like man A, there's no need to become woman B ;-)
Also, I think it'd help you, when you feel woman B coming to the surface inside you, to stop and recognize who's in control there - woman B. if you're conscious of her presence inside you, and you learn to recognize her, I think you'll be better equipped to deal with her when she arrives, LOL.
If you find a man that is a good man, one that is supportive and nurturing of you and willing to go the extra mile for you, he'll bring out your woman A side. So filtering out the men in your life carefully, and only permitting the worthy ones to be a part of it...will solve the bulk of your inner turmoil :-)
Thanks for this advice- it makes things much clearer! I'll work on emitting happy energy to attract a good man.
You made me realize that the previous guy I dated was in fact a bad guy who brought out the worst in me, and I blamed myself for being negative and accepted it as my fault, rather than a response to his selfish behavior.
Now I know that I haven't been selective enough.But after reading your advice, I feel much more confident that next time I'll get it right :) Thanks MOA!!
Dear MOA, first of all, let me thank you for having this blog. I really respect your advice, and right now, I need it!
I met a guy (Aquarius) on a social networking site three weeks ago, and I really like him. He’s creative, funny, and kind of shy and geeky (just how I like ‘um).
While it’s obvious that he likes me too, he doesn’t come on strong sexually like guys usually do. He does the little gentlemanly things, and he makes me feel so good when I’m with him. I can never predict his next move, and I’m captivated.
We’ve been on a few dates now, and in the beginning, everything was good. But I’ve noticed, he doesn’t really put as much into the courtship as I’d like (no flowers, not a lot of romance, doesn’t put much thought into dates).
Also, he’s started to pull back. He takes HOURS to reply to my texts. There have been times where I’ve texted him in the morning, and he wouldn’t get back to me till 9pm or later.
He does work a lot (he’s working fulltime and starting a business), but still, I’m sure he gets a lunch break, and there have been times where he logged into the site we met on but didn’t text me.
Rewind to four days ago – I’d already met up with him the day before, and he asked to see me again. I said yes (ugh). When he arrived, I noticed he was acting a bit distant and aloof, but I didn’t say anything about it. We went out to eat & didn’t really converse much throughout the meal.
Afterwards, we went back to my place. We were cuddling and kissing on the couch, and after about an hour, he gets a call.
I don’t know what was said (he’s from another country & was speaking in his native language), but when he hung up, he said, “I gotta go.” No explanation, nothing, just “I gotta go, I forgot, I promised my friend something.”
This threw me completely for a loop. I was so taken aback, I did act out a little bit and he knew I was upset.
He did apologize to me at the time, and promised to come back that night (I declined), but it left a sour taste in my mouth. I’ve been ignoring most of his texts and giving him short, neutral replies when he does write.
He asked if I was mad at him, I said no, I’ve been busy, etc. He then said he missed me & asked if I wanted to go out the next day, I said I already had plans, but told him I was free next week.
He agreed and we’ve agreed to meet next week on Mon, but it was only after I agreed did I realize that he should have made some specific plans instead of playing his “let’s just do whatever” game again.
I wish I’d found this site sooner, because I’ve already made waaaay too many mistakes with this guy, and I am kicking myself! I’ve agreed to last minute dates and vague plans, been too giddy about him, texting him way too much and seconds after he wrote, being too available, and I’ve offered to help pay for dates. He always would turn me down, but the last time, he accepted!
He’s only been in the US for a few years, so I let my guard down a bit, rationalizing that “he’s not like men in the US,” and blaming blatant bad behavior on “cultural differences.” Yeah I know, slap me!
I really want to see where this goes, but I think I’ve let him get too comfortable. I’m wondering if you think I can do some damage control and get this back on the right track? How do I let him know that he should be putting more effort into planning our time together? And he texts all the time and rarely calls, what’s up with that?
Thanks so much for taking the time to read and respond to this!
Confused Capricorn
@Confused Capricorn,
Well, first of all, I'd suggest that you no longer contact him. Let HIM contact you. It's the only way for a woman to know that a man is genuinely interested. (At least during the courtship period. Once a man has asked you for a commitment or if he's contacting you regularly for an extended period of time and proving he's genuinely interested, then you can begin to initiate communication - a bit.)
Next, I would not always make myself available to a man that's behaving this way towards a woman. (He's taking you for granted.) When a man takes a woman for granted, she should not always make herself available to him. Instead, she should make him work at it a bit (to prove himself).
And with him texting and not calling, I'd suggest you invite him to call. When he texts, saying something like, "I'd love to talk, but I'm busy right now. But I'll be around later today, gimmie' a call this evening."
And if he texts, don't respond - until he calls.
Regarding the dates and him not having any plan in place, before you accept the date, say something like, "What did you have in mind? What are we going to do?"
If he says, "I don't know" then you say, "Well let me know what you've decided and we'll go from there." If he says, "What would you like to do" then you tell him. Say, "I'd like to go to ____ for dinner or I'd like to _____."
Before agreeing to anything, make sure you press him a bit about WHAT it is that he intends for you both to do.
Dear MOA, thanks so much for your advice. It really helps to have another perspective when dealing with relationships, because it can be hard to be objective when you’re right in the middle of it.
After the last text exchange I had with Aquarius, where he’d asked if I was upset, I didn’t hear from him for two days. I did feel a bit bad because that was the first time he'd gone more than 24 hours without contacting me, but I decided to keep busy and continue living my life. I’ve been talking to two other guys that I’m interested in dating, because I realized I’d already invested too much of myself in this dude who hasn’t given me anything!
I accidentally pocket-texted him a blank text message, and a few minutes later, he called, sounding really happy and asking why I sent him a blank text. I played it cool and jokingly said “you don’t have to make up excuses to call me.” Ha!
He was asking where I’d been & saying he missed me, I told him I’d been busy etc. I followed your advice and insisted that he make plans for our date. He started enthusiastically throwing all of these ideas out there, and we finally decided to go to a museum I’ve wanted to visit for a while.
When he came to pick me up, he showed up with flowers and a really thoughtful gift that I was rather impressed by (I’d call it a grand gesture), and the date we went on was the best by far. I got to see his romantic side, and he really went out of his way to make everything special for me. It was a complete 180 from how he was acting last time. I felt like he was finally treating me like someone who is important to him.
My demeanor was different also. I’ve done some research on Aquarius men, and they like freedom to do their own thing. I had to consciously quell my Capricorn tendency to be aggressive and let my femininity shine.
So instead of acting all clingy and smitten by him, I was sweet, but slightly aloof. I had fun wandering off and watching him chase me around when he noticed I wasn’t standing there. He was so much more affectionate and attentive when I ignored him a little and let him pursue me.
This is honestly the first time in my life that I’ve ever dated “properly.” In college, I was the “chill at the house” girl and had a few mediocre relationships that ended badly. I got frustrated with my bad luck, so I stopped dating after I graduated and focused on my career.
Before I started dating again, I read both of Sherry Argov’s “Bitches” books. I couldn’t believe how many mistakes I’d made, and I’d never really been “courted” by a guy before - I was making it WAY too easy for them. I wondered how my friends were getting flowers and romantic dinners, and I’d be lucky to get Chinese takeout and Blockbuster.
Self esteem issues were a big part of it, I just figured I’d scare them away if I insisted that they work harder.
But not anymore, my thinking is, if I’m not worth his effort, then he isn’t worth my time! Amazing how much we can learn from doing a little birdwatching!
Thanks again for your help!
Confused Capricorn
@Confused Capricorn,
Dont ever forget dear - youre worth it. You are worth it.
Every woman desrves to be appreciated like that...and let me tell you, every man deep down inside...loves the feeling it gives them too. If more of them would just do it, theyd realize the benefits.
I guarantee you sweetie...hes feeling very manly and proud of himself right now. And its your job as a woman to lift him up for that and encourage him, appreciate him back. Create that healthy, positive flow of energy between the two of you...and it will become a sustainable life giving force that "feeds" the relationship.
Youll both become addicted to the wonderful feelings it generates ;-)
Dont expect too much...but dont settle for less than you deserve.
@Moa
Thank you for another inspiring post.I especially loved the bowerbird example.I had to giggle at the little pad of seduction and scattered BLUE trinkets/petals-AMAZING!
It's really that simple-gender roles.Very clear associations and I hope no one is still left confused or in doubt after this wonderful read.
@Sista' Taurus,
Yep, it's really that simple - gender roles. Mother Nature assigned them eons ago and they still exist to this day. Although many things have changed in modern times, when you boil it down to it's base form, it all leads right back to these very primal concepts deeply ingrained within mankind.
As humans, we are part of Mother Nature - part of the natural cycle of things. When we deviate from those natural cycles, we deviate from our path and lose our way.
Follow the natural order of things, the path that Mother Nature has provided - and you will see time and time again that it proves itself to be relevant - even in these modern times.
You can also take a natural example of a courtship and dating/mating ritual from deer. Every year, male deer fall into what is known as "the rut." This is the time of year when females are in heat and the males sense it and are fighting for mating rights.
Because again, in Mother Nature, not every male is granted the right to mate. As a result, the male dear take to fighting with one another, battling with horns locked and kicking one another - in front of groups of female deer, doe. And it is the witnessing of this ritual, this warlike behavior between the males, that grants the winner the luxury of mating (impressing).
And it is the female (observer), the female deer, that ultimately decides upon the chosen mate:
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/01/130130111920.htm
We as humans are mammals. And in nature, mating rituals and courtship displays are a natural part of the mating experience :-)
The problem is, nowadays, many males, not all but many, fail to realize their natural role (leader, impressor) and many females fail to realize their natural role as well (submissive, observer).
And it's the main reason why males and females nowadays are fumbling around in the dark with one another - unable to understand each other and unable to perform the natural gender roles that will/would ultimately bring them together and grant them happiness and success when dating.
Never stray from Mother Nature's path. She's one of the greatest teachers in this universe :-)
@Sista' Taurus,
And to answer your question on the disappearing man post about whether or not I'm "sensual" about things and if I'm attracted to "natural" things as is a Taurus tendency. . .as you can see, the answer to that is yes, LOL.
I take a very natural approach to all things in life and I have a strong aversion to anything that is "unnatural" in any way. I too enjoy soft fabrics, smells, touch and anything related with the 5 senses.
I do this in my home often when decorating as I consider it my sanctuary. As a result, it has to be natural and appealing to the senses. Comforting colors, textures, scents, lighting, etc.
Friends sometimes don't understand it, but then when they enter my home, they often remark about how much they love it and feel very comfortable in it and they often remark about how something smells good there - I keep wax tarts burning in warmers in my home often, LOL ;-)
@Moa
Haha,isn't that awesome though,how us being ruled by Venus translates into our lives like that?I too have made my house into a sanctuary,I love everything natural and have an innate aversion towards anything artificial.
I actually only dyed my hair once and do not even get fake nails,lashes,nothing.My home is white at its base with earthy tones all over.Now that I look around,it looks like a hobbit's house LOL..I absolutely love the best of everything,it's not about brands but about quality..if it feels good to the touch,I have to own it.I'm no snob,I just love good things.
Guess there is something to astrology/mythology after all :)
Thank you for your answers!Looking forward to more topics like this.
I don't know if it's because I've really been on a self awareness path and trying to digest all you share here,but I really have gained clarity.I mean,from now on,if I see a man behaving unmanly,I will cut him right there,in the beginning stages.No need to delve deeper,looking for his 'missing' manliness lol.And that will save me so much drama!I don't know but it really makes sense to me now as I've accepted that it is what it is.I am a woman and they are the men.I will act like a woman and they either deliver or they get nothing.SIMPLE!
MOA -
I know I just posted on the other page but thought this might be a more appropriate place for this question. :)
One of my new suitors seems really sweet - puts a lot of effort into dates, does a lot of research into restaurants that he thinks I'd like, books me in advance etc. We've only been on 3 dates so still very early days, but occasionally he would text me to tell me weird and bizarre things about his day etc.
The ONLY thing that bothers me about this guy is that he doesn't always return texts when I reply - or sometimes does so say 9 hours later or even a day or two later.
Considering that this is the phase where he should be proving himself, should I say something/point it out? I've experimented by doing the same to him myself, or even not replied to the odd text, but it doesn't have a huge impact - still slow. Either he just doesn't check his phone very often or something.
What do you think?
-Alana
@Alana,
"Should I say something/point it out?"
No dear. Actions, not words ;-)
You use a technique that's called behavioral mirroring - and you begin to mirror his behavior. So if he takes 9 hours to reply, you take 9 hours to reply. If he doesn't reply to one, you don't reply to the next. If he takes 3 hours to reply, you take 3 hours to respond.
Because if he's doing this to you right now, it's perfectly acceptable for you to mirror that behavior. That's how you create balance, keep things fair (someone can't complain when they're doing the same thing ;-), and that's how you let him know that you're world does not exist around him right now - and if he wants it to, he needs to step up his game a bit.
"I've experimented by doing the same to him myself, or even not replied to the odd text, but it doesn't have a huge impact - still slow."
Doesn't matter, keep doing it. Because as things progress, eventually, this will matter to him and he'll begin to notice the pattern. He'll make the connection that he's doing it to you - and he'll cease doing so.
In otherwords, eventually he may want more of your attention. And he'll realize that if/when he does - he'll need to give you his attention if he wants yours in return.
@MOA
OK, let's see how this works out then. Thanks very much for the advice!
-Alana
@MOA,
Sorry to rehash this again, but about this mirroring technique - wouldn't he figure out that I'm playing games?
The longer we do this, the more I worry that we are both just texting each other every other day now (ie he texts me today, I text him tomorrow, he texts back the following day etc)...
-Alana
@Alana,
It's not a game dear. It's creating a healthy balance and teaching consequence via action. When your dog pees on the floor, you don't reward it with a treat...there are consequences. People learn via action, not words. You can't instruct someone to do something. You can only show them via your actions what is and isn't acceptable.
This is how you filter out lazy men from genuine ones. If his behavior doesn't change as a result, you don't beat your head against the wall attempting to get him to do what you want him to do.
You move on, realizing he's not going to "man up."
That's the whole point...filtering. If he doesn't step up - you don't waste your time.
You're free to do as you please here. But if it were me, I'd stop wasting my time, realize he's never going to attempt to make me happy...and I'd move on.
These are the techniques to use so you know which men are worth your time and which aren't.
If his behavior is signaling that he's uninterested...then you move on.
Never make someone your priority while they're treating you like their option.
@MOA,
Thanks for the honest advice. I suppose it's still early days after 3 dates - and he just got back from his business trip, so I'll see if things improve over the next little while and put him on watch.
Thanks again!
-Alana
Dear MOA,
I have a question relative to dating and communication. A friend I grew up with contacted me on Facebook, after a couple of days it was obvious his intent was more than to say Hi. Because of the stigma attached to dating people from your past or online I had my doubts about where it would go. I am not sure if the flow of things was even correct but I went off of his initiatives. We started off texting a couple times a day, just catching up on life. After about a month we also began to talk on the phone. From there we started video chatting on a regular basis. Most of the time we talk about work, school, our family or short term plans. Around 6 months I agreed to meet up but made it clear that my boundary was kissing. He was a gentleman and did not even attempt to push the limit. Afterwards we continued communicating as before and he asked me what I thought about us dating long distance. Things were adding up for me and I realized that I was emotionally attached to him. I seriously considered the long distance between us and was not sure if I wanted to risk moving forward. I was scared to say the wrong thing, but I told him that everything was happening too fast and I needed more time to make that decision. Then I backed off, I used the kids, and school and whatever else that was going on as an excuse to be busy. I even shut my Facebook down. We gradually went from texting everyday to once every two weeks. I don't text until he does. For the last two months conversations were basically, "good morning, I'm fine, how are you. He did not ask if I wanted to talk or video chat anymore. Then the two weeks ago he asked me what I was doing. I was not sure why he decided to ask something different but I replied using more than 2 words. We ended up talking on the phone. Things seemed normal until he asked me my relationship status. I told him I was still single. I asked him if he was seeing anyone and he told me that he had met a nice lady but is still getting to know her. He has been texting everyday since then, but its back to "good morning and how are you". At this point my goals are to respect that he is seeing someone but not become too distant. I would like to try the long distance relationship. But not under the current circumstances. However, I am not going to ask him how they are coming along either. My first question is why would he want to tell me about his relationship status? If he is getting to know a nice lady, why would he start texting me more often? Are these red flags that I need to pay attention to? What would you suggest I do?
@Anonymous,
Hmm, seems a bit odd to me to be honest. I'm wondering if he didn't contact you to inform you he's met someone so he could see if you'd "jump" on a relationship with him (i.e. compete for him).
If you'd like to continue communicating with him, feel free to do so. No harm, no foul. But as long as he's dating another individual or currently involved, I wouldn't move towards a long distance relationship (at least not until he's single).
@ MOA,
Thank you for the quick response about him telling me he was seeing someone. I am so glad I found your page, before I was using my instincts. Although I mirrored him and things flowed, I think I got stuck when I had to make a decision. Mainly because I felt that 6 months was not enough time to know someone in a long distance situation. Does the general relationship timeline for things apply to long distance? I have no way of knowing his relationship status. Am I right to assume that if he is interested he will come back and tell me if he is single? Should I use the no contact method with him at this point?
Whats going on is am a Scorpio woman into a Sagittarius man he was recently heart broken by the girl he used to call his one the girl of his dreams his princess he asked her to be his alot!!!! And all that time I was considering him a friend and was into his best friend but after a few convos found out he was in to me just for the thrill of getting me but I got over him easily so my new crush used to talk to me about his girl and I gave him advice and asked him to be patient and all he used to be jealous of people approaching me and told me that while we were friends and he was still hocked to her we got closer then he was drifting away I texted asked then after trying twice I stopped he told me he knew he was mistaken and told me what happened with his girl so I told him I was ok with it but I'm just worried about him and i was sorry for not being there the next day he became more rude his actions became hurtful then he did stuff that made me look bad in front of friends I still talked and wanted him to open up he did things that made that the last time I asked about him so this was it I started being me very formal not trying to reach out or nothing I could see it in his face that he wanted to talk and apologise I totally ignored him and a friend of mine came one day and we were having a good time and I knew he was staring once I got home he asked wjo that was I was like a friend he told me he was worried that ild be late for home and I continued acting cold and was never available anymore he couldn't find or see me anywhere talked to my sister and was really concerned and wanted to make things right I didn't give him any attention the next day he asked me tosit with him and talk we sat he asked me to say all that's on my mind andI said nnothing much now he gives me attention and is very sorry tells me nice stuff but all the time he says thatbi stopped caring about him and I never gave him a straight answer now he said he was sick and I did give him some attention and I really am worried the problem is I don't know howbto act around him anymore for starters I never start a convo anymore never ask where he's been never do anything to make him feel cared for now he keeps telling me he misses me am beautiful and most important person in his life he wants to talk to me all the time make me think he has things to do then when I say k t.c he be like I only wanted u to answer what should I do helpppp
@Anonymous,
He's attempting to manipulate you emotionally. He's attempting to make you feel guilty when he's the one who was rude and he pushes your buttons simply to get a reaction.
He's been rude, he's embarrassed you in front of friends and he sounds very immature.
You don't need to do anything here. If his actions have changed the way you feel about him and the fact that you cannot trust him because of it, then that's his problem, not yours dear.
All of these things he's done to you here in the past, he will do in the future if you enter into a relationship with him - because he's immature.
You don't have to do anything here dear, he does.
So if he talks to me how long should I take before I reply and when should I be nice and when should I go back to the cold face
@Anonymous,
I don't think you should waste your time on this man dear. But if you choose to do so, how you handle that is up to you. There are many articles on this site that you can glean insights from.
Dear mirror I'm in that point where he asked me if I was taken told me never to be nice to anyone other than him held my hand told me my eyes r all he needs to see all the time gave me all that lovely attention sat with me for hours talks to me when ever am online wantsyto kknow where am at what am I doing all the time sents me awesome songs I'm falling for him the problem is he was just heart broken by his crush I have no idea if he got over her that fast or is he trying to make her jealous or is he really into me please moa tell me how to slow down
@Anonymous,
Sounds like he's running away from his problems. Don't set yourself up to be his rebound.
You don't need to be told how to slow a relationship down dear, I'm sure you're perfectly capable of that yourself.
You simply say no, that you're not ready. It's really that simple.
Hello MOA
Kudos for this amazing website! I'm glad to see there are other women like me who are sick and tired of dealing with flaky and dishonest men out there.
June I had felt the same for a number of years until the right man walked into my life. It does happen and when it does it can take you by surprise!
Hi M.O.A.,
I believe i am in t right place & you would be the right person to shine some light on my dating life.
I've been dating someone for nearly half a year now. Compared to t the first 4 mths, our meetups/dates were kinda sexual & communication was at t bear minimum once or twice a month. I had somewhat placed this relationship between him & me as something casual. eventhough i did start having feelings for him and i really love the comfortability & chemistry between us.
I can feel that he felt it too but both me & him weren't t type of ppl who can easily open up about our feelings.
In the last 2 weeks things seem to have picked up speed.
We had went on a short vacation together. We had a wonderful time talking, hanging out, romancing, chilling out & of course being intimate but in a sweet, loving, pampering way. He was really v attentive towards me & i felt that sex was just secondary.
He had proposed t vacation initially saying that he had somethings to discuss but we never got to that.
A week of silence later he called me & i reminded him that i totally forgot abt the talk we were suppose to have during t vacation but that i had forgotten all abt it becoz we were having a great time.
He opened up about saying that he knows that we have been seeing each other for some time and he didn't want me mistake him for taking advantage of me. And if i was still dating other guys besides him. I stopped him and asked him if he was happy w me becoz i was happy when i am ard him so why don't we just enjoy each other's company instead of trying to call it sthg.
Couple of days later he booked me way in advance to take me out for dinner which was out of t norm as he usually used to ask me out last min or only gave me couple of days notice.
T last date w him was sthg totally different from our previous dates.
He made an effort to come closer to my workplace to take me out for dinner instead of the meeting up half way or closer to his pad kinda thing.
Just sat had a lovely dinner & we were have a gd conversation. And he stayed on and took me out for coffee just to hang out longer w me. We sat and talked work.
He suggested that we should try to hang out on Saturdays when he is not working, i jokingly said don't you have to hang out with ur stags for guys' night. He just replied he doesn't have to to it all t Saturdays.
When we had to part he pulled me close and gave me a kiss in public. It was just a lovely feeling, nothing sexual just the feeling of being loved.
He has been calling me every 2 days from that night on before he had to hit t sack. I was out late on of t nights becoz of work and he sounded half asleep but was hanging on t phone to ensure till i was back home safe.
He is suppose to be going away on a work trip & jokingly even asked if i wanted come along. Teasingly saying that he is going to miss me but a little but already have a date to meet up with him t weekend right after he is back.
All of a sudden he is starting to show more love, became communicative, wants to spend more time with me, shows care & concern.
In all t months i have known him this is t first time i'm getting to see his gentleman side and i can't help myself but constantly thinking about him, wanting to be with him. Not sure if i have been bitten by t love bug but i'm not eating or sleeping well neither as i have him on my mind. i can feel that he wants more with me if asking me jokingly when i'm going to propose to him marriage.
How can i not screw this up? I don't want toconstantly be at his disposal and end up recipocating to the point that he will lose interest in me. How should a real lady go about handling this 360 degree turnaround of a relationship?
Please advice...
I know that he is now closer to me becoz of t way i had distanced myself while just being myself w him. He on t other hand has been through some unrequited love affairs and he even had been a rebound affair for a girl who didn't accept his love hence he carries a little bit of insecurity which he shared w me about him.
I do want him to keep courting me in t new way that he has started to and i hope that he will slowly but surely man himself up to take my hand in his own firm decision.
Is this a normal thing for a man to want to work on a relationship in this manner especially at one that started out as sexual? I'm just curious
Hi
Love your blog n advice..one of the rare online that help women raise their worthy vibration..so wonderful
I am 50 and dating is v different these days...I spent 1 1/2years with a guy who was 6 month out of a marriage and didnt want a relationship - I knew red flag but connection was v strong and we journeyed till. Pulled the plug and said I wanted to be with a man who claimed me not on a leash....I made all the mistakes becoming Florence nightingale rescuer / therapist....learnt a lot that I have an anxious attaching style from childhood etc
Anyway I went on a date Saturday night..met guy online...he was v v smooth and smart too..we got on well through texts and a v long phone conversation..he was extremely complimentary of me (I am actually an exceptional woman!!) he always texted and initiated and I answered calm light n breezy..he organised date..drove an hour to see me etc..we had a great fun night....he drank a bit excessively but I don't drink so perhaps it's normal!! He wasn't roaring drunk but he was v alpha male, seemingly confident (hiding vulnerability) he was a strong guy but made me laugh in a good way..he said he felt he had known me a 100 years...I felt same we were v v comfortable with each other...we were both surprised....he told me I was stunning etc etc......the date went well and was a bit longer than expected..yes we had some cuddles n sweet kisses but that s it........he stayed on my couch as too drunk to drive (my mistake as I shouldn't have rescued him and I know that now infact when he asked to stay we both agreed no sex and hesitated to invite him back- but there was no sex) and I had told him in our call week before date I don't have sex with men before I am in relationship - he is the type that would charm women not sex easily!! Anyway he left and said "talk soon" I deliberated about sending a thank you for date text and decided to as that's my way to be polite and have gratitude.....I sent a brief text thanking him, that I had enjoyed the time and I didn't ask when will I see u again etc.....he answered with lad you enjoyed evening as I did..and hope you had some smiles reminiscing our time together...I answered a day later yes did enjoyed your spirit and would be good to do it again and have a great day..just v light n breezy.........and NOTHING! That was 3 days ago...I need to know what did I do here.......to learn for myself..as an ex anxious attacher I think in this instance I actually held back and leaned back more than ever.....he initiated all texts , our call and date set up prior to date and was v v enamoured during date but fizzled after!!!! I am curious to understand........should I just wait to its over before even started....!!! Maybe I shouldn't have initiated thank you text (the only thing I initiated in 2 weeks), maybe he's a player, womaniser, didnt get sex so can't be bothered, any number of things..perhaps it's a NEXT......and he said a few future things as well.........said I was the coolest and best woman!!! Ahhhh yes I know words over action...thanks. Love your blog n sensibility helping women to find inner self worth..I am working on this and feel I am getting clearer ..ps I haven't sent any more texts since my reply to his...so in that I am also doing better than my past..thanks and love xx
@Anonymous,
Well dear, I think you attempted to take the lead (masculine energy) and steer the relationship towards a second date instead of saying absolutely nothing and drawing him towards you (feminine energy) with a mysterious silence.
This happens a lot. Many women alter their behavior once they like a man without realizing it. Let me explain.
"he always texted and initiated and I answered calm light n breezy"
You see, he always text and initiated (masculine energy) and you always answered calm and breezy (feminine energy).
But then you swapped the roles:
"I sent a brief text thanking him, that I had enjoyed the time"
And then:
"I answered a day later yes did enjoyed your spirit and would be good to do it again"
In a subtle way, you took the lead, you kind of took matters into your own hands and you hinted at a second date. To a man, this somewhat registers as you asking for a second date.
"he initiated all texts, our call and date set up prior to date"
Then why did YOU attempt to do these things AFTER the date instead of continuing as things were and hanging back and permitting HIM to do that again? See what I mean?
"Maybe I shouldn't have initiated thank you text (the only thing I initiated in 2 weeks)"
I think you gut is trying to speak to you here. It's unfortunate, but when a woman makes herself too available to a man and expresses eagerness in the very early days (before HE asks for a commitment), it tends to invite poor treatment from them and they begin to take the woman for granted.
Men like a challenge and by making yourself available to him, it removes the challenge (the fun of competition) for the man.
My suggestion would be to not contact him again and to continue casually (no sex) dating other men and getting on with your life. If you do that, there's a very high likelihood that he'll surface in a couple of weeks again ;-)
Hang back, be silent, get on with your life and don't jump on his call or text when it does come. Don't act too eager and play it cool. Draw him to you with your curious mysterious silence ;-)
Thanks for reply Mirror.....yes I am in agreement with all of your answer above...what I found difficult and battled with was my nature to say thank you for our date ...I looked online to see what the general,consensus is about a woman sending a thank you text for date and it was about 70% yes it's a lovely considerate and grateful gesture and about 30% don't do it........so I followed who I am but now see in the scheme of the polarity of masculine / feminine energy dance I should have held back........ok then he answered that he had enjoyed evening too.....and my next text which I thought was rather casual and showing that I had an interest in him but not over the top was - would be good to do it again - full stop ......so really it seems in retrospect it is for the woman to totally lean back and not send a thank you text and not say would be good to do again???? Best o let him initiate all contact after first date.....no excuses!!!! Ok good to know and yes I have been absolutely silent since those two days of texting and have not said another word so I guess I am practising holding off....if I do hear from him lets say in a week or two or perhaps never!!! How long should I wait before texting back ? If he calls should I answer or let it go to message and call back or let him call me back? These fine details are what I am realising make HUGE differences ..much love n appreciation xx
@Anonymous,
LOL, doesn't surprise me, those 70% statistics you saw...and I bet the majority of the consensus came from...other women...not men, LOL. Women have a tendency to advise one another based on what THEY feel is acceptable or what THEY would want someone to do for THEM.
Problem is...they're women, not men. And what women want and need and appreciate...is NOT what men want, need and appreciate. Yet women project their wants, needs and desires onto men every single day. They say things to themselves like, "I like this or I want this or I appreciate this or I see it this way...so that must mean he does too."
WRONG. Women are not men and women and men are two entirely different creatures. Men interpret the behavior of women vastly different from how we interpret it ourselves.
And if you polled the majority of the women who feel its okay to send a thank you and hint at a second date before the man even asks for one, I bet you'll find that many of those dating situations fizzled out within a month or so. The only kind of men that respond relatively positively to that sort of thing are insecure men, players and or men that receive little to no attention from a woman. Even good men who respond positively find their attraction for the woman diminished, yet can't even put their finger on why they feel that way.
And the reason is the flip flop reversal of natural gender roles.
So when he contacts you, no don't answer that first call. Call him back about two hours later. Same with any texts that roll in. Wait at least an hour to respond. This gives you time to think clearly and him time to think about you.
Both very good things in the world of dating ;-)
I agree with you...women and consulting about men via women will more often than not give the wrong answer - so best thing is do the opposite of your girlfriends advice!! lol Funny though I have to say the 70% who said send a thank you text well I'd say many of them were actually guys which influenced my decision - but as you point out perhaps more insecure / player types which in many ways the guy I went on date with was!!! I find so interesting that a man can be so complimentary to the woman and actually get on well before and during the date and then virtually disapear! I am surprised that I haven't heard from this guy (besides one text) because in the WHOLE scheme of our relating (and remember I am a recovering anxios attacher!) he did 95% of the initiating..I find it tough to think because I sent a thank you and a return text saying would be good to do it again that he would right me off?? Its like wow!!
Anyway good I haven't responded at all since
...now I am also intrigued that you say only leave it a couple of hours to call back or text if he contacts me after a week or two as I notice you speak of mirroring what he does...... shouldn't I then wait the time he waited to get to me before answering?? Or is that just too crazy!!! (as it may be a month or a year!!!) lol......
love your advice and sensibility.....I feel relieved to have you to speak to....thanks
Ms M
PS Meant to add it was a guy who told me to write in the text that I answered to my date
"...would be good to do it again!!"
Arrgghhhhhhhh!!! He said just keep it light and show that in a non confronting way that you would be happy to see him again!!
@Ms M,
"it was a guy who told me to write in the text that I answered to my date "...would be good to do it again!!"
LOL, well again, I'm not really surprised. Because the other thing I've noticed is that - many men (not all but many), their first impulse when dating is to want to make things easier on themselves. Additionally, as I had previously stated, this is a concept that affects many men (gender role reversal when dating) BUT they don't even know it. They can't put their finger on it. They think that what they want is something easy, where the woman takes the lead, makes things easy for them and she does the heavy lifting and the bulk of the work to keep the relationship going. That's what they THINK they want.
But in reality, the men find their attraction for the woman suddenly diminished and they don't even know why. They can't put their finger on it, but something's changed and it just doesn't light a "spark" for them anymore. And what they fail to realize about themselves is this:
1) Men like competition.
2) Men like "the chase."
3) Men like to be in the lead.
4) Men find that having to work at a woman actually excites them more than if a woman falls right into their lap.
So their natural inclination is to want to make things easier for themselves, but in doing so, they fail to realize. . .they've removed ALL OF THE FUN out of the situation for themselves. And then they stand their scratching their heads wondering why all of a sudden, they're no longer finding themselves as attracted to the woman as they originally were.
I read a great book, "Why Men Love Bitches" and in it, she described this concept. She put it something like this.
Imagine a man that likes to hunt (a competitive sport). A guy rings his doorbell, he opens the door and there's a live deer standing their on a leash. The man who brought the deer invites the man who opened the door to shoot it. The guy shoots it and goes back inside.
The entire experience was "meh" (shoulder shrug).
Now imagine this. The guy is out in the woods before sunrise. He hears a deer. Eventually he sees the deer coming into his sights. His hearts pounding, his blood is racing and he's focused on the kill. Hands shaking, he lines up his shot. He shoots - and misses. The deer takes off in a full sprint. He scrambles down from his tree stand and now he's on foot in pursuit of the deer. He lays low and takes another shot. This time, he grazes the deer. The deer again takes off full sprint with the man in pursuit. After a mile of tracking the deer, it's in his sights again. This time, adrenaline pumping, he takes his third shot. He shoots and the deer drops. He's won his prize through a hard earned battle.
And he goes home and he hangs that deer's head proudly on his wall. He tells the story of how he brought the deer down to all his friends and anyone who will listen. And every time he looks at that deer on his wall, he reminisces about the battle that brought the deer down.
Do you see the difference?
When a woman offers herself up on a platter, like the deer that was originally offered up on the leash, the excitement dwindles to nearly nothing for the man. However, when there's a challenge and some competition and a feeling of a hard won success - the man cherishes that experience.
You see, many men don't even know themselves well enough to know that the things they love about dating, they often times suggest that the woman remove from the experience for them. When a man invites a woman to call, text or take the lead - he doesn't even realize that he's inviting her to remove all of the fun, excitement and the thrill of the chase from the dating experience for him.
So regardless of what others tell you, man or woman, remember the story about the hunter and the deer.
Do you want to be the deer on the leash? Or the deer on the run ;-)
I say give them what they want sweetie, and RUN!
Hi again
Yes thanks I have heard that story about he easy hunt v the adrenaline laden one!!! Funny because in many ways you are right leading up to the date this guy did do all the hunting...called me (only once the week before) and did the initiating of texts and asked me to dinner - just lent back and charmed him with my grace and beauty!! He was though I have to say v complimentary, using babe and angel etc in texts before meeting.....he also the moment we met had his arm around me and we were holding hands and it really felt v natural - I would never normally do this straight up!! But he drank quite a bit and was actually seeking my validation in conversation - I could feel a subtle insecurity in him that he was trying to hide and I didn't just agree with him on things - infact he said many times how smart I was - emotional intelligence here!- in some ways I was not the usual type of woman he could bait and get away with - I am also v healthy body mind n spirit.....he said his last gf's ended up v needy and psycho with him ( they had abuse issues) and he plays the rescuer which I know as I have also done that in past...I think he realised with me he couldn't get away with his usual rescuing behaviour as I am a cut above all that...this means he would need to open to his deepest vulnerability and that's scary - and alcohol is a crutch to protect him from looking at his deep insecurities - you get the gist - shame because on some levels we had a lot of compatibility but do I want t be with a drinker n smoker when I am totally clean??? Still I am v pleased its been a week and I have remained silent which for me has been a great lesson in rising above from my past needy anxious attaching and realise not to take things personally - I think we as women when we get rejected (some of us) immediately believe there is something wrong with us and now I am considering actually maybe there is dysfunction with the man!!!! As I know I am a woman of worth integrity n value and should elevate myself (humbly) to sit in this place of self love - yes it has taken 50 years to get here but my eyes and ears are open now!!!! I can surrender and let go more easily of men who don't serve my highest good rather than fall in to a heap and blame myself - I wish this for all women to rise above and feel their worth and value.......and that being single has advantages too........thanks for your time - Ms M x
nice sharing...............
Post a Comment