Yea, it happens. And it usually sucks. But let’s face it, life is full of challenges and obstacles to overcome every single day, this is nothing new.
Seeing an ex with someone new can hurt. It can cause jealousy, increased anxiety, over reaction and lots of sleepless, worrisome nights. However, in spite of all of that, it can also be a fantastic growth experience. One that can make you look like a shining star in your exes eyes.
Yes, I said it. Seeing your ex with someone new can be a fantastic opportunity to make you look like some kind of superstar to your ex. How, you ask?
Let’s explore, shall we?
When an ex is with someone new and they see an old flame in the same room, their heart skips a beat, too. Don’t be fooled by their calm, smug, outward appearance. Inside, most times, they’re trembling, too. So know that going into it. Ignore their smiles and the happy, laughing experiences they appear to be having. Inside, they’re experiencing an emotional overload.
And you’re about to kick that overload up into over drive – and come out smelling like a rose.
The Story of Jack, Jill and Cruella DeVille
When you see your ex with someone new, what should you do? (Men, this goes for you, too, so just reverse the roles here.)
You should approach them. Yes, that’s right, approach them. Stick with me here, this isn’t about confrontation, it’s about rising above, becoming enlightened. It’s about looking like a fantastic, well-adjusted human being. It's about strength and composure. And most importantly . . . this is about impressing the hell out of your ex.
Yea, that’s right – what do ya’ think o’ me now!
That’s what you’re going to be able to walk away and say to yourself. And you’re going to look like a star here. Your ex isn’t even going to see this one coming. They’re going to see you approaching, and they’re going to have an accident in their pants. You’re going to see the sweat on their brow.
So let’s use Jack and Jill here as examples of how to properly pull this off. Jack and Jill broke up. They have mutual friends in common. They’ve both been invited to attend the party of a mutual friend and you’ve heard through the grapevine that Jack is dating someone new. (Or vice versa for male readers.)
Ok, fine. You’ve got this.
You come in the door and who’s the first person you see standing there, laughing, and for all intents and purposes, appears to be having a great time with . . .hmm.
Okay, let’s call her Cruella. You’re exes new girlfriend’s name is Cruella (Yes, as in Cruella DeVille.)
So ole’ Jack and Cruella appear to be having the time of their lives. That is, until Jack sees . . .YOU. You know Jack well and you see him stammer a bit as he pulls his gaze away from you. He’s fidgeting and looks like he may be becoming a bit uncomfortable.
Jack is now thinking, “Crap. She’s here. Wonder what she’s going to do? She’s going to make a scene, I know it. But I’m going to ignore her. I’m going to look as if I’m having the time of my life with Cruella.”
Ok Jack, whatever. It’s a ruse and we all know it.
Rather than have everyone feel awkward, waiting for a scene from Fatal Attraction to erupt, you’re going to let ole Jack know – he was wrong about you. He doesn’t know you. You’re a new woman. You’re independent of him. You are so over him, it’s not even funny. He meant nothing to you and you’ve got this.
So off you go, through the crowd, weaving your way towards Jack and Cruella. She looks a bit like a deer caught in the headlights and you hear her let off a nervous laugh. Jack has a look of genuine concern on his face.
Again, perfect. This is about to go your way and these two, even though they don’t know it, are going to play right into this.
You’ve arrived. You have a drink in your hand, you’re looking better than you have in years and you’re feeling confident (and if you’re not, fake it). You turn to face Cruella (the new flame should always be approached first). You extend your hand and you introduce yourself, “Hi, I’m Jill. I’m Jacks old girlfriend. It’s very nice to meet you.”
Cruella looks like she’s about to barf on your shoes. And Jack’s heart has stopped, he is now in a catatonic state of disbelief.
Cruella extends her hand and gives you a wimpy handshake. You now turn to face Jack. “Hi Jack, how are you? You look good.” Jack can’t believe his ears. He’s caught off guard and he’s feeling extremely uncomfortable right now.
Jack replies in a soft, confused voice, “Hi Jill, I’m doing well, how about you?”
This is where you begin to shine and radiate white like, like a supernova.
“Oh Jack, I’m doing great! Things at work are going really well and I’ve been very busy lately. There are a lot of good things happening.”
Jack can’t believe his ears. He’s thinking, “What! She doesn’t miss me? She’s not crumbling? She’s not in therapy?” And the next thing that will immediately spring to mind is, “She’s over me. I can’t believe it. And she looks stunning.”
Perfect. But you’re not finished yet.
You now turn to face Cruella once again. And this time . . . sit down, it’s coming. This time, you’re going to compliment Cruella. Yes – you are. You’re going to pick something out that you like (or pretend to like) about something she’s wearing, her hairstyle, her makeup, her shoes, her bag, her jewelry. Pick something out. And then you say to her, “Wow, I really like your __________.” Fill in the blank.
“I really like your haircut, that looks so cute on you.” (Yes, I've used this one before.) Or, “I really love those shoes, where did you get those?” Or, “That’s an awesome bag, is that new?”
Listen for it . . . crickets chirping in the silence.
Pefect. That’s good enough for you. You’re work here is done.
Before you go, you look both of them dead in the eye and you say, “Well, it was really great meeting you Cruella. And Jack, it was really nice to see you. “
And off you go.
Once you’ve done this, the only job you have for the rest of the evening is to circulate this party, laughing, socializing and having a great time. The confidence and positive energy you’re going to be emitting are going to impress everyone who witnessed this.
Including Jack – and yes, even Cruella.
Speaking of Jack and Cruella
Cruella's mind is now racing and she is seriously questioning things. Why? Because chances are, Jack has spent countless hours talking about what a crazy nut job you were. How you were jealous, unreasonable, emotional – a loose cannon, basically. (She expected to see you in a straight jacket, not that hot little black dress you showed up in.)
But now, all of that looks like a bunch of lies to Cruella and she's seriously questioning Jack as a man. She’s not stupid. She’s standing there saying to herself, “She seems nothing like what he said she was. Was he lying to me? Why did he make her look so bad? If it wasn’t her, it must’ve been him. Who the hell am I dating here? Do I even know this guy? Does he say all women are crazy? Will he say I’m crazy if we break up? Will he try to make me look bad, like he’s attempted to do with her?”
Ahhh . . . what’s that? The sweet sound of success.
And wait, what’s this? Jack is now staring at you, hard. His eyes are following you all over as you work the room like a rock star. He’s never seen you in this light before and now he’s thinking, “Wow, maybe I was wrong about her.”
Yea, that’s right Jack. You had me all wrong.
Two weeks later, you hear through the grapevine that Jack and Cruella are no longer together.
And Jack is now ringing your phone.
He gets your ringback tone (please listen to the music until your party is reached) and hears, “Hit the road Jack . . . and don’t you come back, no more, no more, no more, no more.”
She’s so disappointed in her experience with Jack, that she decides she’s done with men . . . instead, she just adopted 101 Dalmations. (Or cats ;-)