"Mirror, Mirror on the wall . . . where did he go, and why doesn't he call?"

What Is Nagging And Shifting Blame?

It’s a fact, all of us women nag and many times, we hate ourselves for it. Ironically, what many women don't understand is that nagging actually reassures a man of exactly where he stands with you.

Let's face it, if you didn't care, you wouldn't nag, right?

You see, nagging gives a man nothing to think about, worry about or ponder. It doesn't pique his interest or draw him towards you. Rather, he simply tunes you out.

And you may have already noticed, when you nag, press an issue and force a discussion, your guy may resort to using a manipulation tactic called “shifting blame.”

Rather than beat ourselves up for this behavior, I thought it'd be fun and helpful to take a little tongue and cheek peek into this tactic from the male perspective. This is scary territory for men, ladies.

And It Usually Goes A Lil Something Like This. . .

Here it comes! You did something wrong and you know it. But emotions, feelings, words - you can see that they're all about to start flying to quickly for you and "talking" through this with her is the LAST thing on Earth you want to be doing right now. Your immediate strategy: Always make sure there's something more important than anything she has to say at the moment, "Hey did I tell you, Bob's going fishing this week."

Uh oh, she doesn't give two shits about Bob's extracurricular activities and it's about to begin! Deflect, deflect! Before you even know what she's talking about, immediately tell her that she's taking it the wrong way (what IT is?). For some added oomph, pull out the big guns and be sure to throw that word "emotional" around, too, so she begins to question herself before she even gets started.

Ok, that didn't work and it's started. Time to resort to the "calendar plan." On Sundays and Wednesdays things are being blown out of proportion. Tuesdays and Fridays, overreacting is the name of the game and on Saturdays and Thursdays, someone's always imagining things. If all else fails, pull out the grand daddy of them all, "Did you start your period today?”

Ok, so mentioning her period was a bad idea. It's officially on. Time to get serious, better pick an argument. Stay on course by chipping away on that self doubt. Be extremely aggressive and continuously repeat, "You started it!" If you discuss the facts here, you loose - the point is to win.

Oh Lordy, here come the facts! She doesn't care who started what and she has nine justifiable points and you have one eensy, teensy little justifiable point. What to do? This is easy, place all of your emphasis and energy on your one teensy justified point. If that doesn't work, covering your ears and singing "La, la, la, la" while she's making her points helps.

Ok, so the "La la la" thing was a bad idea, too. What now? I got it - confuse and overwhelm thine enemy! Consistency is king, brother, and rapid fire is about to begin. Engage by firing your one little justified point at her quickly, loudly and repeatedly - all while demanding an immediate answer. The moment she turns into the deer caught in the headlight and you see a moment of hesitation - gotcha! You use that as proof that you are right and that she is oh so wrong. Fire away at that angle of self-doubt like Machine Gun Andy! Bap, bap, bap . . .

What's this? She's regained her composure and she's firing back with valid points? Ok, time to take this to the next level by immediately finding fault with her on a totally unrelated and insignificant matter, "You gave me a fork the other day to eat my soup with!" Hey, all's fair in love and war . . . and guess which one this is?

If she doesn't care to engage you on the fork versus spoon issue, stay light on those feet and stoop! Pull in your very own pretend panel of experts (Jerry at work, Phil at the bar, Greg at the softball game) and begin saying things like, "They agree with me, you gave me the fork instead of the spoon on purpose!" How handy that angle of self-doubt is, huh? Chip, chip, chip away.

When she proves a worthy opponent and is still focusing on her valid points only from a more intelligent angle this time, it's time to undermine her self-confidence by minimizing her. Pick up the remote (or whatever happens to be nearest you at the moment) and become fully engrossed in it, "I didn't realize we had blue buttons on the remote, did you?"

Don't put that remote down though brother, she might throw it at you. Stand strong and start shaking that thing like an unopened Christmas gift while asking, "Is this thing working? Hold on a sec, I think I need to change the batteries."

As you plan your escape and head for the new batteries in the kitchen, in a nice soft voice, declare yourself her therapist and say something like, “Why do you do this to yourself?"
Keep a close eye on how many times she's repeating herself as you're escaping and be sure to remind her of it. To pull this off properly, you must now begin to question her sanity, "You've said that 19 times already. What's wrong with you?"
When she comes charging at you, about to give you a black eye, steam blowing through her nose, it will help if you think of this as a verbal mixed martial arts match of sorts - jab with a left, "You gave me a fork instead of a spoon evil woman!" . . . deliver a round house kick to the right temple, "Why do you do this to yourself?" . . . take her to the mat, "You just can't let this go, can you?" . . . . then run like hell brother.
On your way out the door, deliver the final blow, "You're crazy when you're on your period!" Timing is everything with this one. Say it the minute the front door is open and the neighbors can hear you as they see you running for your life. Hey, this self-doubt angle works like a charm.
Congratulations! You've made it out the front door and are now standing safely on the front lawn with witnesses and a nice distance between the two of you (Hmm, she can't throw something that far, can she?) Stand your ground, "This is all your fault, see what you've done!" And make sure to motion towards all of the neighbors now watching. "See!!"
Whew, that was close! She's stopped in her tracks, there are now witnesses to your possible death, you're safe, everyone thinks she's a certified nut job and they now feel sorry for you. You've made it out of their alive, without discussing any of the facts, and you now have sympathizers (i.e. witnesses) at your disposal.
You see, logic doesn't apply here and neither do any of her silly 9 valid points - only your domination does!
Careful in taking this too far though - you never want to be the guy standing on the front lawn with a black eye and a fork stuck in his forehead.

Ladies, Try Communicating Like This Instead. It's Much Healthier For Him and For YOU!

Cut your man a break. He loves you and he just wants to avoid conflict at any and all costs. When you speak a mans language, you are heard. When you speak a woman's language to a man, you are tuned out. You see, when it comes to matters such as this, women tend to accept the accusations thrown at them (submissive) - while men tend to deflect them (dominant).
So the next time you find yourself about to become embroiled in the above scenerio, you'd be wise to stop right where you're at - take a deep breath and speak his language of deflection if you want to be heard:
Oh wow, hey you know what, I didn't realize the time. Kate called today, I told her I'd meet her for dinner. Maybe we'll talk about this later. Geesh, I'm running late, I'd better get going, kay? Alrighty . . . see ya' later. Love you - bye!

If you hear a thud on your way out the door, that's his jaw dropping.

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Anonymous said...

this is hilarious! sometimes saying less is actually saying more. theres a positive message here. thank you for sharing it in a funny way!

bennysmith said...

Your words are funny and attract me to read, thanks!

Natasha Jones said...

Wtf how is there not like a hundred comments talking about how awesome, insightful, and SO TRUE this article is.

Omg my ex used to do that all the time and then I would try to explain it to him but all I could come up with was that he was "damaged" lol... But you explained it SO PERFECTLY.. Thank you!

and you are awesome and I LOVE this blog. :)

Also thank you SO much for doing your part to save the female gender because it is going to shit ever since internet porn because a household thing. Also you are such a good writer!


Anonymous said...

Nice article and blog. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. You kept me on my feet.......

Anonymous said...

and you are awesome and I LOVE this blog. :)

Also thank you SO much for doing your part to save the female gender because it is going to shit ever since internet porn because a household thing. Also you are such a good writer!

@Natasha Jones


I dunno what I'd do without Mirror now.

Anonymous said...

This is exactly why I'm divorced. One too many times where he had to "win" the argument at the expense of the relationship. Men are bastards.

Anonymous said...

Oh my goodness! Did she nail it or what?!!! That is an incredibly accurate - not to mention hysterical - picture of what goes on in a relationship between a man and woman .. probably any man and any woman to varying degrees.

Thank you for shining a light on this, Mirror! And for the wise advice.

Gem50 said...

How is it that this is the first time I've seen/read this piece? Thanks for another good chuckle. Loved it! ;-)

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