"Mirror, Mirror on the wall . . . where did he go, and why doesn't he call?"

One Third of Women Consult the Stars

Women are always talking, always analyzing, always thinking. Not that men aren't, it just seems like women do it more - all the time to be exact. A woman's brain is wired a bit differently and frankly, not to be insulting, she uses more of it than her male companions do. Studies have shown that, on average, women speak about 20,000 words per day whereas men use 7,000 to 10,000 words per day. Many men will simply just grunt their approval or disapproval. "Ugh, ugh."

Simply put, a mans brain is designed to focus on the ways that objects move through space. (Ever hear a man say, "I love the way she moves. . . ") A females brain is designed to focus on language and establishing and maintaining connections. (Ever hear a woman say, "He doesn't talk to me . . . " or "I wonder why he hasn't called today . . .") This type of brain mapping suited our ancient ancestors quite nicely. It's the old "hunter gatherer" versus "nesting" thing at play.

Studies of the male and female brain during a state of "rest" revealed that there is just as much neural activity going on inside the female brain during a state of rest - as there is going on in the male brain while solving problems. The female brain doesn't really ever go into a state of rest state. Female blood flow during brain rest is very active while male blood flow during a rest state is not. In images taken of the female and male brain at rest, the female brain was lit up like a Christmas tree compared to the image of the male brain, which showed only a few of it's tinier portions fired up. Las Vegas versus Boise, Idaho?

This brings to mind a phrase that I used to use to refer to my ex at times, "the single cell amoeba." It was our little joke, we both had a sense of humor about it, and he had his observations about me, too. But his thinking was more "reactionary" than "proactive." If you poked him, he reacted. If you didn't, he could be stationary for days. If you asked him to think about something, he would react - and think. If you didn't, there was no need to be proactive about the matter and think about it before being instructed to do so. If I wanted something out of him, I was forced to resort to poking around and pushing buttons. (Sound familiar, ladies?)

Men are mechanical thinkers and singular problem solvers. Women are analytical thinkers who can multi-task. It is what it is, no disrespect intended. It's only my sarcastic sense of humor leaking through. I think, by far, women are the more spiritual of the species, which could have something to do with childbirth. But that's for another article . . .

Having said that, apparently millions of women are feeding their 24/7 brains by consulting the stars daily and tapping into astrological insights. Why? If I had to guess, I'd say it's so that they can think more - more than they already do. Just what all you men wanted to hear, right?

In a recent study conducted by iVillage, it appears that one third of women between the age range of 18-54 years:

  • read their horoscope at least once a month;
  • check their horoscope before spending money;

  • check their horoscope prior to job interviews;

  • check their horoscope before entering relationships;

  • and even before buying lottery tickets.

Additionally, the study revealed:
  • 37% check horoscopes as they research personal health information on a monthly basis;
  • 41%, two out of every five women, share their horoscopes with their friends;
  • 28%, more than one out of every four women, say their horoscope can change their mood depending on what it says;
  • 29% chalk up others’ shortcomings to traits of their zodiac signs;
  • 59% say they have a lucky number (7 tops the list, followed by 13);
  • 21% of moms believe that people of certain zodiac signs have better sex lives;
  • 40% check their husband’s horoscope;
  • 25% check their child’s horoscope;
  • 22% check other family members.
“Whether they are hard core astrology believers or just want to add some fun to their daily routine, millions of women on iVillage check their horoscopes every day and share them with friends online,” said Jodi Kahn, executive vice president, iVillage. So for all of you men out there just wishing your woman would shut up for a tad, I hate to burst your bubble but, most likely, that will never happen. Mother Nature won't have it. Besides, you should be proud. Articulate speech is usually a sure sign of intelligence. If your woman is articulately babbling like the brook running through your backyard, congratulations; chances are you've landed yourself one smart cookie. If the babble flowing out of her mouth doesn't seem to be all that intelligent, at the very least you've scored yourself an independent thinker. No one's attracted to a pushover, right? And by all means, don't mock her when she says to you, "Honey, I read your horoscope today and . . . . " Most likely, she's taking what she's about to tell you very seriously. Even though you may think it's "hooey," rest assured she doesn't. So put a smile on your face, act as if you're hanging on every word she's saying, tell her "that's interesting" and then make your move. Talking to her, taking a subject that she's interested in seriously, will get you major brownie points in the love department.

After all, it's written in the stars . . . .

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Chris Brennan said...

Hey, I'm looking all over the place and I can't seem to find the original source of this study. Some other sites that have reported the story linked to http://www.epollresearch.com, but I can't seem to find the story there for some reason. Do you remember how you found out about it?

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

Hi Chris!
This came through the PRNewsWire press release distribution circuit. I have since deleted that email, however, I believe I found the original release online at:


Although, now that I look at it, it seems like some information may be missing? I'm not sure, but this is the best I could do as I have since deleted the original press release that was distributed via email.

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

BTW Chris,
You have such a NICE blog - I love it! Actually, they're all very nice. Your home pages are very impressive. Lots of great stuff over there for those of you who haven't check it out yet :-) I'd advise everyone to take a look at Chris's blog. . .

Chris Brennan said...

Thanks for finding this! It will definitely help. I tried searching for a few phrases from lines that you quoted above earlier, but I must not have tried the right ones.

Thanks for the compliment on my blogs as well! I appreciate it. I enjoy reading yours as well.

Anonymous said...

Because woman are stupid

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

No - all women are NOT stupid. Women can be emotional, yes. But stupid - no way.

A woman can out think, out wit and out smart any man - any day of the week. Stupid is something they are definitely not.

A woman can beat a man at his own game, any day of the week.

And making a blanket statement like "women are stupid" is ignorant in and of itself - very small minded. That's like saying all men are as*holes. It's simply not true and that statement is actually a very small minded thing to say and to think.

So who's the stupid one here?

Anonymous said...

Hi Mirror,

(forgive the length ahead of time…please!) :-)

I am a woman who definitely consults the stars when trying to figure out various aspects of my life (particularly relationships), which is why I'm here. Also, forgive me if I've written this in the wrong place, but I'm not sure where to ask this question. I am in a long-term friendship with a fantastic Cancer man. He's one of the most caring people I know and is an amazing friend. I couldn't see my life without his friendship…that is, when I'm not trying to swiftly kick him in his behind!

I know that Cancers are emotional. I'm a water sign myself, so I fully understand the depths in which water signs can force you to plunge. The thing is, I have always known that my Cancer friend is not thrilled about his emotions. He's always steered clear of emotional topics unless he just can't take it anymore. And once he touches on it briefly, he's shutting the topic down completely. He lost his older sister as a teen and I think it's stuck with him through adulthood. I've learned how he deals with his emotions and respect it, even though my way of dealing with my emotions is to express them so that I can move on (I lost my older brother as a teen as well, but I talk about it where he won't talk about his sister).

Well, this is the thing. I've loved my Cancer friend pretty much from the beginning, but because we live in different cities, we've never pursued a relationship. He expressed about 4 years into the friendship in a rare and shocking event that he believes I am the one for him. I felt and feel the same way. We've always maintained a fantastic friendship, always keeping in touch 2-3 times per week and even talking 4-5 hours with each conversation--still! Aside from my female best friend of 20+ years, he's hands-down my best friend. But sometimes I feel that he still wants more and won't tell me. Or maybe he doesn't. This is where I'm confused.


Anonymous said...

Many years ago, I had plans to move to his state, which I still do, but family circumstances have prevented that from happening. I think we both assumed that once I moved out there, we would pursue a relationship. Since it didn't happen, we both got into separate relationships that have since ended. We maintained constant contact during those relationships, and now both single, are still very close. He doesn't mention relationship prospects with me (Heck, he doesn't share feelings toward me at all, which was always the case). What's interesting about him is that he doesn't share his feelings, but he acts them out. For instance, I didn't reach out to him on New Years Eve and the following day, he playfully (yet seriously) complained that I didn't "shout him out" and that I don't care. Granted, he does contact me much more than I him, but I reach out to him more than the 2 times per year he said I do in comparison to his "100 times per year" to me…lol. Obviously it matters to him, so why not tell me? Better yet, if I matter to him, why not tell me?

I guess what I'm trying to figure out is, is the feeling and not sharing a Cancer thing? It's so frustrating. If he feels for me, why won't he say it? I've tried the whole letting him know how I feel thing years ago. He responds with "Awww…ditto." (what?), but his actions have always shown he cares. If I need to talk, he drops everything to listen. I had a financial emergency and he ran to Western Union to send me money. If I ask him, "Can you do me a favor?", he responds with "You know I'll do anything for you." I don't take his friendship for granted. I guess I just feel like he's the perfect match for me and when I do move out his way, I want to give it a try. But I really want to know is his lack of emotional sharing a sign that he doesn't care, or is this just a common defense mechanism for Cancer men? I don't even want to approach him with how I feel anymore because he might shut down. It seems like he's always trying to guard his emotions, and I don't know how to handle it because I'm the opposite.

If you have any insight on Cancer men, I would be so grateful to hear your opinion!

~ Confused by a Cancer

p.s. I've tried to submit this a few times and it seems to not go through. Forgive me if you've received multiple submissions!!

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

Well, it appears to me that - he's emotionally unavailable to an extent. Which is further compounded by him being an emotional Cancer.

I get the impression that you feel a need to communicate and express affection via WORDS. Whereas, he feels a need to communicate and express affection via ACTIONS.

And as much as you want to talk, which most women do, I don't think the time is right. And I always tell most women not to pay attention to a man's words - pay attention to his ACTIONS. Because those are really what matters.

And it appears to me that his actions are on par for those of a good man that's genuinely interested.

So I say, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Don't attempt to project your needs onto him. Rather, try to appreciate his actions instead. There's plenty of time for deep talks when you two become romantically involved someday. So don't push that and possibly thwart things by doing so.

Many women would love to have a man in their life that drops anything at the drop of a hat for them. So try to focus less on what he's not saying - and more on what he's actually doing. Because truthfully, that has much more value.

Actions speak louder than words. Particularly when it comes to men.

I think for some unknown reason you're feeling insecure - because he hasn't opened up. Don't do that. Don't let fear an anxiety steer the wheel or you're going to drive the car (relationship) right into a ditch.

He's not coming right out and telling you that you matter to him - but HIS ACTIONS ARE, honey. And that, in and of itself, should make you feel good about yourself and valuable to him.

I pulled this blurp from the Net that sort of aligns with what I'm saying here:

"Be patient. In some cases, emotionally unavailable people have trust issues that come from things that happened to them in the past. For instance, some people may develop a tough and distant exterior due to having a traumatic experience as a child. In these types of situations, it might take some time for the person to develop trust and break down barriers with you. If you truly care about a relationship with this person, you need to be patient and allow him the time to really feel comfortable and secure with you."

You don't have a romantic relationship with him yet. So now is not the time to talk. I'd suggest patience and I'd also suggest that you focus on his actions and begin to notice the ways in which he does show you his appreciation and affection.

You two ARE communicating - it's just in different languages is all :-)

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much Mirror!!!

I agree with everything you said, about us communicating differently and me having insecurities. You are so right about both. I guess I've always been confused by him because we ARE so different in our styles of communication. I've always known that he is territorial and sensitive about his life as a whole, so I know to not push him when I have needy moments. I run to my best friend (and now you!) with my rants...lol.

But you're right, I do have insecurities. I've always had guys outright tell me how they felt, and I used to use that to gauge what I thought were their real feelings. What's ironic (or probably not so much so) is that the ones who were quick to share their "feelings" were the ones who ran for the hills shortly after. Whereas he's always talked less and done more, and he's the one who's stuck around.

If you can believe it, I've actually never shared these feelings with him. Ever. I've shared that a care for him a lot and I've even shared that sparingly. But I've never projected my need to hear how he feels onto him. Instead, I've let him just communicate in a way that feels comfortable to him, even if it makes me uncomfortable. The good thing is that I've learned that I don't always have to get everything off my chest all the time. In fact, I've learned that some things just aren't that damn big a deal. I've acquired a lot of balance in my life knowing him, so that's a good thing at least...lol.

You know something I just thought of? He's just like my Dad! I can only count on one hand the amount of times my Dad hugged me in my life (once when my brother died). And I've never heard him say I love you. But he is the most attentive father a person could ask for. He'll drop anything for you, is a wonderful listener and a great man overall. He and my Mom have been married for 41 years and are the best of friends. But sharing his emotions? Not gonna happen...lol.

Okay, I'm gonna keep working on it Mirror! I really am :-). I will take the blurp you shared to heart and keep being patient, while continuing to live my own life. Thank you so much for your wisdom and your time. You are truly amazing!!

~ (Not so) Confused by a Cancer ;-)

theflyingfish said...

Dear MoA,

I found your site several years ago after falling for a disappearing man. I was confused, angry and feeling somewhat diminished. Your wisdom and guidance has helped me with processing the confusion and sadness. I have found a measure of great peace and understanding in this amazing community you have created.

Years later I am still working on how this relationship developed, my role in the dance and how I can be more aware of the intentions of others and my own. I hope to be thankful one day for the lessons I have learned from my DM instead of my ego wishing it had worked out differently.

I visit your site daily to keep up with the goings on and to reread your articles and the comments. I haven’t written before but something has happened recently that has shaken me to the core and I feel like I’m in unchartered territory.

I was born February 19th, 1967 at 4:12 a.m. (U.S. East Coast). When I became interested in the zodiac as a preteen I considered the differences between Aquarius and Pisces and decided that I was unequivocally an Aquarian. While I do not read my horoscope daily, I believe there is something that rings very true in astrology for me. I have embraced my sun sign enthusiastically and have taken it into consideration when reflecting on my own nature and particularly when considering romantic partners.

Can you guess where this is going?

I recently charted my sign and I am a Pisces. I don’t know if I can accurately describe how this has affected me. I feel like I’ve lost something that was incredibly beautiful and wondrous…. something that gave me confidence, inspiration, joy and (strangely enough) satisfaction.

Is there the slightest possibility this could be incorrect? Am I not taking into account the rest of the chart (moon-Gemini…Mercury-Pisces…Venus-Pisces….Mars-Scorpio….etc)? I want to marvel at this paradigm shift, but it feels like loss. I have identified for so long as Aquarian that it feels quite right and true for me.

What if you were to find out you were not a Taurus? Am I making a mountain out of a molehill?

Honestly you are the one person I would want to ask about this. I trust your mind, your energy and your intent. I lived in and around Moon from ’89-’11 and like to think that our paths may have crossed at some point.

I love what you do here and hope that it comes back to you a thousandfold~ Thank you for doing what you do!

The Mirror of Aphrodite said...

"I recently charted my sign and I am a Pisces. What if you were to find out you were not a Taurus? Am I making a mountain out of a molehill?"

Well, you're on the cusp and this is not unusual when it comes to cusps. I, myself, am on a cusp as well - the Aries/Taurus cusp. And when viewing astrology, you need to understand that your sun sign placement only really represents one facet of your personality and who you are - your ego. A lot of emphasis is placed on it when it comes to astrology, but there are 11 other planetary placements to consider as well.

So one way to look at it is like this. When it comes to your ego, you'll likely have some Pisces traits manifest there (sun sign). And when it comes to your inner self and your emotions, you'll likely handle and display them with some Gemini traits manifesting there (Moon). And when it comes to love/romance and finance, you'll likely deal with that a bit like a Pisces would (Venus). And when it comes to survival and action, you may tend to do that a bit like a Scorpio would (Mars). And when it comes to communication, you may communicate using some Pisces traits (Mercury).

You are still who are - it's just that the energy that you'll use and tap into when dealing with different areas of life may be "influenced" by the energy of Pisces (or the sign your planet falls into - whichever planet "rules" that area of life for you).

I'm in a similar situation myself. My Sun sign is Taurus, but I have four planets in Aries, and another 3 in fire signs and only one other in Earth I believe. Aries is fire (intensity), Taurus is earth (grounded). So the "energy" there is truthfully an abundance of intense fire for this ole' Taurus, which is the complete opposite of Earth LOL. But it explains why, when I approach things in life, I tap into the intensity of Aries (no fear), and implement it with the groundedness of Taurus (stamina and follow through). It's a forceful placement and the Aries/Taurus cusp is known as the Cusp of Power. And people born on that cusp are often considered an unstoppable force to be reckoned with. Pretty different from the placid Taurus. And a lot of powerful people were born on that cusp - Hitler, Lenin, Shakespeare, Catherine the Great -- that power can be used for good or bad. Combine that with the stubborness of Taurus and. . .umm, hello!!

And when I first found that out, it threw me. I did not want the world to view me as some stubborn tyrant. But as I've grown along my journey I now embrace that power and use it to get me through life, and try my best to help others do the same. For instance, I have a bit of an underdog issue. Meaning, if I see someone that isn't powerful enough to defend themselves -- I can't help but place myself in front of them to fend off others for them. I come raging in like the ram ready to go to battle, and I stand my ground and dig my heels in during it like the bull. I used to think all that energy was coming from the bull (Taurus), but now I know that I have the intensity and quickness of Aries influencing that as well.

It's simply influencial energy that will add to the mix that makes you who you are - embrace it ;-)

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