I was on one of my favorite astrology sites today and read a post about power dynamics in relationships. There was something so powerful in the first few paragraphs that resonated with me because it has actually been the topic of many a discussion with my female friends throughout the years.
My hats off to Beth Turnage of Astrology Explored. Beth, you have completely captured this.
You see, women are caretakers for the most part. And they invest a lot of time and energy into their relationships - sometimes at great expense. She becomes so invested that she never stops to ask herself - am I getting what I NEED out of this? Is there a return on my investment? Or is this just sucking the life out of me? Is it a waste of my time and energy?
Because, as we do in business, we do in life. We all make investments with the assumption that someday - there will be a payoff.
Ladies, Think On Beth's Powerful Insight For Just A Moment
So thoroughly are we indoctrinated with this societal expectation that many of us give up -- and rather easily, too -- our rights to get what we need from a relationship. We wait for the man to like us, to call us, to love us. It is as if we ask, "Is it OK for you to love me now?"
But giving away this type of power is ultimately unsatisfactory. We end up in situations where we are waiting for the man to make a decision about whether or not the relationship is worthwhile, or whether or not he'll continue it, or whether or not he'll remain faithful."
Take a moment to read the entire post titled, "Reclaiming Your Power In A Relationship." Beth provides some astrological insight into this topic.
Ladies, Can You Relate?
I'm sure many of you can - because it's TRUE. We give and give and give - to the point where it's no longer appreciated - and simply becomes expected. So in the end, what does all of your invested energy get you? Many times, to our amazement, we find the answer to that question is this: It gets you taken for granted.
Instead of appreciating all of the supportive things you do as they once did in the past, they either come to simply expect the support as if their entitled to it - or they come to actually resent you for it.
What was once considered support is now considered nagging. What was once seen as assistance is now seen as control. What was once considered "getting to know you" is now considered prying.
When you stepped in and supported him in rectifying a sticky financial situation or a family dispute when he didn't ask you to - he was thankful.
When you reminded him of a dentist appointment he almost missed or of an obligation he's made to someone next Tuesday that might have otherwise been forgotten - he was thankful.
When you asked small questions in attempts to "discover" him, get to know him and pull yourselves closer together as a couple, he was thankful.
He was thankful for you, thankful to have you and appreciated your serious interest in him. Hell, he even went so far as to readily participate in those conversations as a give and take and exchange of healthy, positive energy.
Remember those early days of open communication, ladies? What the hell happened to those, huh?
Suddenly, You Realize Something Has Changed
And that what you thought you were doing, providing them with positive and nurturing support (something you, yourself would LOVE to have), isn't what he's viewing it as at all.
Suddenly, the first scenario is viewed as control.
The second scenario is viewed as nagging.
And the third scenario is considered prying.
Any of those words sound familiar to you? And not only is he no longer appreciative of the support - he's actually resentful of it. And then comes the day that you ask yourself, "How the hell did this happen?"
That constant exchange of positive energy that once fueled the relationship and spurned it's growth has somehow dissipated. And just as you were once partially responsible for the relationships growth due to the amount of energy you invested - you find that you are now equally responsible for the relationships demise - because of the amount of energy you put into it. What the @!#&?
You're confused because nothings changed. Your still being as supportive and nurturing as you always were. But somehow, their perception of it has become distorted and negative.
Guys, what gives?
Ladies, A Word of Advice For You
You may not like hearing it. But lets face it, dating these days is like navigating a constantly churning hot lava field. And the only way to ensure the above scenario doesn't take place in your relationship and you don't get burnt - is to not invest too much of yourself into it.
It's sad, I know. Some relationship advice, huh? Probably not what you were expecting to hear.
But the ugly truth is, if you don't want this to happen to your relationship, you need to realize that it's very important that you not submerse yourself entirely into anothers world. You need to make sure you have your own life outside of the relationship. YOU NEED TO OWN YOUR OWN LIFE.
You need to make sure that you have your own friends, your own support network (because women truly do need the support of other women), your own favorite places, your own hobby or creative outlet, your own favorite restaurant, your own career or form of income, your own car - sometimes even your own home or apartment is best, too.
Because in this day and age - there are NO guarantees. No assurances it seems. This isn't 1952 anymore and Ward and June Cleaver are dead.
So Ladies, Ask Yourself These Two Very Important Questions
1.) If you're completely submersed in someone else's world - then what happens to yours?
2.) If your investment doesn't pay off - what do you have to fall back on?
Because even a good businessman always has a plan . . .